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Loseing it

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by sd-239192, Jan 28, 2010.

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  1. sd-239192

    sd-239192 Well-Known Member

    I don't know why I'm writing this, its not like any of you can help me. i must be going out of my mind, I'm just so sick and tired of life.. the stress, the obsession, the constant jockeying up and down with money, day in day out wake up go to class, eat lunch, more classes, go home, sit here and wallow in self pity, only occasionally being productive in starting a project that i will inevitably never finish due to my lack of interest in anything. now I'm sitting here a nervous wreck my hands shaking so badly i can barely type and this fucking itch where my scars are healing, I'm so tired of this drudgery people call life... what i wouldn't give to have some kind of change, or be done with it altogether, it may be sacrilege but the latter sounds more favorable... that's another thing this religion i have devoted my life to has a place in hell for me just for wanting out, some peace in death... there can be no peace for me and im sick of it, i just want one day to sit down and not have to worry if ill have dinner tonight, or the next night, or the next night, not have to worry if ill snap and just destroy everything i have worked so hard to achieve.

    and now I'm cracking at the seams, just now i was nearly brought to tears because i couldn't find my right driving glove, the only one that i can drive in and keep this damned scarred hand warm enough to function! i find myself getting sick more and more easily, once in my life it was unheard of for me to get sick now i find myself losing my breakfast at least once a week. waking up to a total body pain, one that keeps me from moving, is now commonplace with me...

    i have to fucking stop typing for a few minuets because this fucking hand of mine keeps cramping up from having to move my fingers... I'm tired of it, i want rest, a sleep without the nightmares every damned night, without these images from my past popping up every time a common word is said, and even now as i write this they are there... i must be going insane... is this how a sane man acts? is this how someone, who is supposed to do great things with his miserable life, supposed to feel?!? nothing but pain and fear!?!

    i had to drive my brother to CCD tonight, and soon ill have to go and pick him up... maybe ill just drop him off home, and go about my way... there are so many possibilities i don't care how i can do it i just want to!... and i take another pause for this hand to loosen enough to move my fingers... how am i expected to continue drawing, painting, building, WORKING, WITH THIS DEBILITATING CONDITION!

    why do i even keep typing... oh i must be going insane now I'm thinking and typing at the same time... great, I'm wrapping this up

    Good night
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Keep typing keep venting get it out all here so you can go back to doing what needs to be done. Getting rid of all the frustration does help and people can relate to your frustration too. Keep posting okay as it does help
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