my husband is in the Marines and just deployed .. without him, my life is empty. i'm up every night because of nightmares and i can't stay at home because i feel too nervous. i am nothing without him. but i know it is wrong for me to kill myself because it's selfish. he made me promise i'd still be here when he gets back. i don't know why he even bothers with me. i'm a drug addict and a slut. i don't deserve to live. not even sure why i'm here except that i've tried to kill myself before and i was researching other methods when i found this site. my chest hurts, and my heart is beating so fast i can feel it in the center of my head and inside my ears. i want this to be over.