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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Richard 007, Jun 5, 2012.

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  1. Richard 007

    Richard 007 Active Member

    Why am I that ? a loser , I lose everything .
    Today I found out that this Thursday coming , my wife will be meeting her new partners son for the first time , she may just as well have put the gun to my head herself .
    I have clung onto the slimmest of hope that I could somehow get her to come back , but I know that this simple act of meeting this boy has commited her completly to this man .
    I hate myself so much for feeling like this , I am a failure , I have failed my wife , I have failed my children , most of all I have failed my children .
    Why can't I see a why through this , why do I love her so much , why was I such a useless son of a bitch to let this happen in the first place .
    WHY WHY WHY did I not love her like I should have , why did I push this vision of perfection away from me .
    I don't want to live like this .
    I can't live like this .
    Can I ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
  2. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    You didnt want this to happen, you didnt ask for it to happen, and you certainly didnt deserve this to happen, :hug: you deserve so much better than hat she is putting you through and its horrible that she has done this to you. I wish there was something I could say that would be of comfort, but I know words are little help right now. But you have to keep strong, and keep fighting, dont give up because there is so much you are yet to see. know it feels and seems bleak right now, but there is, and with help and support you will get through this because you are strong.
  3. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    YES... you can. There is a lot of divorce going on these days, which is very sad and tragic. I understand how you feel, I would feel horrible in your shoes as well. That said, your children did not desert you and they are the innocents caught between what is going on. Be strong to continue loving and taking care of them. Our kids are our EVERYTHING. As difficult as your pain is, remember that they need you now probably even more than ever.
  4. Richard 007

    Richard 007 Active Member

    I've thought about leaving , I have somewhere in Norway to go but I could not live knowing that THEY are living a happy life with my kids I don't know what to do anymore .
  5. BrinkOfExistence

    BrinkOfExistence Well-Known Member

    Sent, you advice is terrible, you don't tell people to abandon their children. Richard your children will need you it doesn't matter if they are happy with someone else, your their dad your suppose to be there for them no matter what happens. It's gonna hard accepting that you wife has moved on but there's nothing you can do about that now, so grieve over it then forget about it and start thinking how you can improve your life without having to leave your children.
  6. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    I absolutely agree with the bold comment, well actually all of what you have said.

    You will always be their dad, no matter who thinks they can attempt to fill your spot. Nothing anyone will do can take that from you, and dont let anyone try it, your children need you, your children care about you.
  7. BrinkOfExistence

    BrinkOfExistence Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry what? I have 2 children, i'm no longer with their mum and my children live with her and her boyfriend, i pay child support but more importantly i'm still in thier lives and the fact that they get super excited when they see me just shows that even though they are happy, they still want me in their lives. You are using your personal experience to give advice as am i. Also You are assuming that richard's wife has cheated on him with another man, he hasn't even stated that, he has only said that his wife is meeting her new boyfriends son, so stop with the name calling of people you don't even know.
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I agree with Brink also...

    Richard I'm so sorry you're going through this, I know it sux, but hold on ok..
    you will learn to deal with this pain as you work through the grief of losing your wife..
    there will be a new life for you when you come to terms with your loss

    I wonder if you're being too hard on yourself taking the blame for this?
    isn't it possible that your wife just grew away from you without anything you did or didn't do being solely to blame?

    Your children need their Dad in their lives...no ifs or buts
    you can still be a guiding influence for them and I'm sure they would be devastated if they lost you

    suicide leaves a stigma and pain like no other death, in the lives of those left behind....I know you wouldn't want that for your children

    it's good that you're reaching out for help
    I wonder if you've considered a therapist and/or perhaps talking to your GP?

    know you're not alone..we're here for you :console:
  9. Sent

    Sent Banned Member

    Edit taking higher road
    Had something really mean written but I am here to support not give into your childish figt brink
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 5, 2012
  10. Sent

    Sent Banned Member

    Edit taking higher road
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 5, 2012
  11. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Great advice in here for you (to original poster). Remember that nobody can take the YOU out of your children. They're a part of you. Stay a part of their lives and help them to achieve bright futures. The separation of parents is hard on the parents, but even harder on the kids. You have support here - though you might want to seek some out locally as well. Also, make sure that you negotiate fair rights as a father (much easier these days) so that you keep those kids in your life. They need both mother and dad, together or apart. Best wishes.
  12. Sent

    Sent Banned Member

    Edit taking higher road
    I'm sorry op but I have to take care of myself
    So make the beat choices you can op, but be careful please
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 5, 2012
  13. Richard 007

    Richard 007 Active Member

    My wife was unfaithful to me on a number of occasions ........... I have remained faithful to her always , I have stood by her through the hardest of times ...................... what a waste .
  14. uncle buck

    uncle buck Member

    Richard, i feel for you. There is a way through all of the pain. Live for your children. Live for yourself by living for your children. In my life nothing has been rewarding and fulfilling as living devoted to my children. Their smiles will ease your pain day by day. You will grieve your lost relationship together and come out stronger for it.

    you are their daddy. Dont let anyone ever take that away from you, or them. Aside from being a divorcee, i am also a product of a fatherless home. My dad passed when i was 12 years old. I am 39 and miss him every day. So honestly i can relate to both sides of your story. They will help you heal, and you will be rewarded with a wonderful life with wonderful children. Hang in there Richard. PLEASE.

    IM here to talk anytime, just pm when you want.
  15. sadguy33

    sadguy33 Banned Member

    you are not a loser you can go find yourself a girlfriend as well I mean you were able to get your wife you should be able to get another lady easily. Also your kids will always love you that imposter will never take your place and your kids know that and will fight with him a bunch because he isn't their real dad. So understand that no one can take your place. Your kids are a part of your wife but they don't think like her they are loyal to you because they are a part of you. So just because your wife is leaving doesn't mean your kids think the same way in fact I know they are hurt as bad as you are.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 6, 2012
  16. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    i'm sorry richard..my ex partner was unfaithful to me and I know that hurts.

    again I'll say it's not your fault ...she is the one that has the problem if she can't be faithful to her husband
    you are not a loser because you stayed with your wife through thick and thin..she is the loser and has now given up someone who values marriage and love

    grief is a tough journey but I believe you can get through to the other side and make a new life for yourself
    someone out there will be pleased to have a man with your values and selfless love when you're ready to move forward
    first things first..to heal and nurture yourself :hug:
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