losing control/major venting

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by among the stars, Jan 25, 2011.

  1. among the stars

    among the stars Well-Known Member

    most likely this will be deleted by mods or edited but like i said i dont care anymore.

    for days i have not spoken to anyone about how i am feeling and once again i do not feel safe to speak openly...i am still very scared. at this point its not something i can explain to anyone. people keep telling me not to let people get to me, but i am so depressed that everything bothers me, my body hurts, i get pissed off very quickly, I'm back harming every night multiple ways to just keep control. Am so lonely that i would go back to dt, to an abusive website just to feel like i am here even if i do get beat up on and targeted every night. every ounce of me wants to scream and hurt and run away. i guess in a way i am running but i never get away, at teh end of the day im still stuck in teh god awful hell that is my life. i dunno why i keep torturing myself, dunno why i wake up each morning only to going thru a deeper hell...if i were smart id rid myself of teh demons that consume me...that consume my soul but im just too stupid and too fuking insane to do anything except continue living in this pain and torturing my body, mind and soul...

    oh and btw if anyone takes offense to this too damn bad, its how i feel and i aint masking this shit anymore. im too tired of trying to hide and be "ok" for everyone else's sake. And one more thing (ive never put someone name in here before but at this point i dont care) IF ANYONE PM'S ME AND SAYS "PLEASE TELL ME UR NOT DEPRESSED AGAIN" OR GETS TICKED CUZ I AINT HAPPY THEN FUK U. NICESINGING IS ALREADY BEING BLOCKED FOR SAYING IT, I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE, IT FUCKING HURTS!!!
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    good on you for saying how you feel 'hand'...
    you have every right to say you're depressed on a suicide forum...that's what it's here for and if anyone has a problem with that they maybe shouldn't be on here themselves..
    I hope letting some of the frustration and anger out has helped...
  3. among the stars

    among the stars Well-Known Member

    It has helped some, been so fuking angry for the past several days. kept hesitating as to whether i should say anything or not. but having someone pm and tell me that....i dont trust people but that makes me trust just a lil bit less...
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    keep venting for as long as you like...
    anger internalized = depression
    gotta put yourself first and stay safe hun...
  5. obscure

    obscure Active Member

    good for you. i always found that being angry and ranting totally overtook the sadness but i realized that being angry hurt people so instead i always kept quiet. never said anything about how i felt or how bad i was hurting so i didnt hurt anyone. i only wish i could let it out like this. hope it made you feel better, even if it was only a tiny bit.