most likely this will be deleted by mods or edited but like i said i dont care anymore. for days i have not spoken to anyone about how i am feeling and once again i do not feel safe to speak openly...i am still very scared. at this point its not something i can explain to anyone. people keep telling me not to let people get to me, but i am so depressed that everything bothers me, my body hurts, i get pissed off very quickly, I'm back harming every night multiple ways to just keep control. Am so lonely that i would go back to dt, to an abusive website just to feel like i am here even if i do get beat up on and targeted every night. every ounce of me wants to scream and hurt and run away. i guess in a way i am running but i never get away, at teh end of the day im still stuck in teh god awful hell that is my life. i dunno why i keep torturing myself, dunno why i wake up each morning only to going thru a deeper hell...if i were smart id rid myself of teh demons that consume me...that consume my soul but im just too stupid and too fuking insane to do anything except continue living in this pain and torturing my body, mind and soul... oh and btw if anyone takes offense to this too damn bad, its how i feel and i aint masking this shit anymore. im too tired of trying to hide and be "ok" for everyone else's sake. And one more thing (ive never put someone name in here before but at this point i dont care) IF ANYONE PM'S ME AND SAYS "PLEASE TELL ME UR NOT DEPRESSED AGAIN" OR GETS TICKED CUZ I AINT HAPPY THEN FUK U. NICESINGING IS ALREADY BEING BLOCKED FOR SAYING IT, I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE, IT FUCKING HURTS!!!