losing faith

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by justastrangegirl, Apr 14, 2013.

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  1. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    I don't even know where to start.

    I have to go through this expensive surgery in a month or two, and I'm just feeling extremely guilty and selfish. Some moments I feel excited about it, I just want to get it over with and see my new face, see if it helps me build my self-esteem. But then, the dark feelings appear, and it's like I have a voice in my head telling me that I'm extremely selfish and shallow. Not to mention that this surgery will have a major impact in our finances (I believe, my mom says it won't because the doctor told us we can pay in 6 shares), so I'm worried about not getting my visa again.

    See, I must have at least AU$ 20.000 in our bank account in order to get my student's visa. We are ALMOST there, but I'm terrified that the surgery is going to cost me my long-awaited voyage.

    Let me tell you the story behind my idea of studying in Australia. I was a sophomore in high-school when one of my dad's colleagues and friend had returned from Australia. He told us how he drank poison to kill himself (before he went to Australia), and when he didn't succeed, he thought it was a sign from God, and started to look for job alternatives, and he found an amazing opportunity in Australia, so he sold all of his stuff and moved there. After a couple years, his two children went to live with him.

    Ever since, my family encouraged me to try the same thing, so I applied at the University of Newcastle and received my offer letter a couple of weeks later, I couldn't believe it, because it was really fast.

    Back then we were in a bad financial situation, and my dad's friend, Raul, offer me to stay in his house with his family just for a while. Only because my grandmother (who was a wealthy woman back then) had paid for his entire Engineering career; she even bought him clothes and cigarettes (HE told US this).

    Thanks God my grandma was such a gentle woman, that's why I have this opportunity.

    Anyway, I don't mean to be disrespectful nor ungrateful, but, I mean, my grandmother paid EVERYTHING for him. House, food, college tuition, and all he can to do is offer me "a temporary home". Moreover, I believe Raul's also losing faith in my voyage. My dad sent him the money for my college tuition (the first year is completely paid), and Raul's constantly writing my mom to send us back the money.

    His attitude makes me believe that no one has faith or thinks that is even remotely possible for me to study in Australia :(
  2. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Your parents have faith or they wouldn't be funding you. Perhaps the thought of the surgery and of a new country is as scary as it is exciting. That's normal.
  3. Rkmnd

    Rkmnd Member

    If you need a surgery, you need a surgery. Your parents wouldn't be having you get it if they thought it was unimportant. They love you enough they're willing to take on the financial expenses.
    As Theodora said, your parents wouldn't still be sending the money if they had no faith. Your grandmother was a very kind person, and he really isn't being that kind about it....you have every right to be a little agitated at him, but he hasn't declined, so things are still good.

    Try not to think about the other things, even in the best circumstances, if you just sit there and think about all the bad "what ifs", you'll find yourself always brooding, and sad. The surgery will be over before you know it, you've been accepted to your college, and your family says your going. It sounds like it'll be a lot of fun :D
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Keep faith in yourself - that is the most important thing. It is always nice to show people that they were wrong.......
  5. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    Thank you for those kind words, Theodora :D

    You're right, NYJmpMaster, the BEST feeling ever is prooving people wrong ;) haha.

    Rkmnd, thank you so much for your reply. It means a lot to me to see that someone agrees with me, otherwise I'd feel annoying and whiny. I've been dealing with these feelings of guilt since I was a teen, because my parents spent a lot of money in my health (I practically lived in the hospital when I was a child). I really hope you're feeling better now :)

    Once again, thank you ALL for your replies :)
  6. Rkmnd

    Rkmnd Member

    You're welcome, I've been feeling better lately, and you helped. What kinda person would I be if I left you depressed :p.

    I know it's so much easier said than done, but try not to feel bad for something you couldn't control. Think of it this way as well, you should feel some pride in it, rather than sorrow, because they cared enough to have all that done :)
  7. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    Thank you Rkmnd, I really appreciate it. And I'm so glad you're feeling better; I, too, am starting the gym (I hope tomorrow though). Yesterday I went to a nutritionist, so today my battle with food re-starts.
  8. Rkmnd

    Rkmnd Member

    Welcome, and good luck with it, the last few months has left me in a similar state. I was doing good, then, ehhh. Hopefully I can stick to it as well.
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