i've felt pretty awful for a while, but the one thing that always kept me alive was that i had hope for a better future. no matter how bad or shitty things were, the hope was there. i took a lot of comfort in it, because i knew it would get better and i couldn't wait. i knew that one day all the suffering would be worth it, and i'd be happy. but now i feel the hope is going away, and i'm terrified. i've never felt this way before. i don't feel like there's a light at the end of the tunnel anymore. i am losing grasp of my hopes and dreams. i'm losing the hope that they're achievable anymore. i've flirted with suicide a lot, but i really, really want to just die now. i don't think there is a point anymore. it's just a lot of suffering for no purpose. if there is a such thing as a lost cause, it is me. i don't believe there is any way out anymore. it's just all blackness. i have far too many issues and problems. i'm really, really scared. i need help but there is none. i really feel like i'm at the end of my rope.