Losing Hope

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GreyLady333, Feb 2, 2015.

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  1. GreyLady333

    GreyLady333 New Member

    Hey there.

    I'd love to tell you I'm having a great day, but I'm really not. Since I'm on a suicide forum, you can probably guess how I'm feeling.

    The short version? I'm running low on hope, and lower still on the will to keep fighting. I'm looking for something to motivate me, something to cling to, and I can't seem to find anything.

    Long version? I've lost everything that has ever mattered to me. Lost my family when I came out of the closet. Lost my health in a car accident, and with it my car, my job, my independence. Lost my friends when I could not go to see them. And now I'm losing my wife. I've lost every dream, every motivation. There's no chance of me recovering my health. Over the years, I've been knocked down often and endured heart ache and loss, and I'd pick myself up, look on the bright side. My wife used to call me the biggest optimistic she knew. I just don't have the strength to pick myself up anymore, literally or figuratively.

    Right now, I'm stuck in this horrible room, living off of disability. I've seen people grow old in these places, with the best thing they looked forward to was watching the price is right. I'm only in my 30's, and yet I'm already stuck here, unable to be on my own. I can't imagine living in this place for decades. I can't. I hate wanting to die. I'd much prefer to live an actual LIFE. Yet my health won't let me. Between the daily pain and the lack of any hope of getting better... I do not know how to survive this. I don't even know what to hope for anymore. I'm just so tired of the constant pain, of these seemingly endless days without change. I hate that I've been brought to this, but I don't know what else to do.
  2. I am very sorry and I have been at "the ledge" hundreds of times but have fought to pull myself back time and time again. But it gets harder and harder to fight and like you I get so tempted to quit.

    I am very sorry you lost the relationship with your family because of your orientation! That is not fair at all.

    I can only hope you find some type of support here (as with I) I feel like these forums are a way to buy time.
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