i'm losing my mind again. i've not been taking my meds and that has a lot to do with it but why should i take them when i about to have to start paying for them and i can't afford $500+ a month for just one prescription and i'm on 3 different pills right now. the other two are affordable but lamictal is just so expensive. i'm short with everyone and i can't think straight and i can't focus. i can't eat and i can't sleep i've cut twice this week and twice the week before and nothing is helping. i want to cut again but i have to start a new job tomorrow. i'm so nervouse and i don't know how it's going to work out. on top of it all it's going to be a fight with my in-laws about feeding my baby. they like to give her things she shouldn't have and they simply say that it didn't kill them and they're going to do whatever they want. i know i'm going to have to find a daycare, but then will it actually be worth working if i have to put her in daycare. i'm here with my in-laws because i'm so unstable and i need help with her but i just wish they would do as i want them to do with her. she doesn't need all this extra sugar and sweets. she eats her food and her milk just fine without it. i even caught my mother-in-law giving her mountain dew when she was just 5 months old. my daughter threw up in the middle of the night and my mother-in-law swore up and down that it wasn't the soda. they just make me so mad. i'm so frustrated and upset right now and it's all i can do to not cut. i wish i had never gotten pregnant. it's not that i don't love her and i wouldn't trade her for anything in the world i just can't take care of myself and having to take care of her too is just too much.