Losing it, need some advice!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by broncosfan32, Aug 3, 2010.

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  1. broncosfan32

    broncosfan32 New Member

    Well, where to start... I'm pretty useless, yea that pretty much sums it up. I have a college degree in biology and ended up as a cook. Now I'm struggling to make enough money to support my wife and start up a family. We live in an apartment, have a cat, a few planted fish tanks and I've been neglecting fish cleaning for nearly a year, tried to get back into it in the last few weeks. Anyways, I've got to start paying off a student loan next month that will really stretch our resources, and I can't find a second job. I'm angry at myself because I got into a relationship that I knew I would fail, to everyone else, I'm a decent person, but to me I know what I'm capable of, and its not much. I can't lead well, so I'll never move up and make more money and I have too much stress at home with money issues, I love being at work though... strange, normally the opposite way around! Tonight has been very rough, I'm pounding beers while my wife is gone for a few hours because I'll be able to explain my feelings better a little buzzed, and I thought it would help me sleep and get over this feeling for the night. I know I'm being absurd, but I don't want to off myself because of the pain I'll cause others. I want to make my financial state better, but I'm good at any job I do, just not great...ya know? I really need a stress reliever, any suggestions????

    My wife knows about my previous problems with depression... had a plan in high school to commit suicide, but my friends got a hold of the counselor and I was put on anti-depressants. I'll never go back on them, although it helped, I never felt "alive" I never got really happy, and never got low, so you know that your still alive, and I hated that. Also, because I'm a biology major, I know that prescription drugs, especially anti-depressants ahave ill-effects on aquatic creatures that are still for the most part unknown. Sorry, this has been a lot to absorb, but mainly, I need a stress reliever, free if possible!
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi broncosfan. I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling right now, both financially and emotionally, but please don't give up. Your wife, cat and fish all need you. If you need more money, then keep looking for a second job. Also, your wife can get a job too to help make ends meet. The economy is really tough right now, but keep trying. I have a major in biology and chemistry and I'm a math and science teacher. :hug:
  3. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Good stress relievers are brisk walking at a regular time every morning.
    Eat a well a balanced diet.
    Learning how to break down your responsibilities into smaller chunks.
    Do not procastinate the things that needs to be done.
    Keep worrying time down to fifteen minutes a day, then do something about what is burdening you.
    Accept the things that you cannot change.
    Talk out your problems with someone, even if it's on here.
    Make a mental list of your accomplishments and congratulate yourself for each one.
    Forgive other, forgive yourself.
    Be kind to others.
    Listen to those in your family who need it.
    Remember your happy times.
    Do something you enjoy.
    Sleep well each night.
  4. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    This doesn't make you a loser. This kind of scenario is the reality for so many people.
  5. broncosfan32

    broncosfan32 New Member

    Totally forgot about this site! Since my first post, I'm working 6 days a week, got a bit of a raise. Got a part-time job shoveling snow for the apartments we live in, have made around 400-500 this winter. The wife is slowly moving up at her company, so we've been fine financially for the past few months. I think I'm handling my depression/SAD a lot better. I still walk/ride bike 4 miles(weather permitting) to/from work everyday.

    The biggest news is that my wife is 11 weeks pregnant! :biggrin: Happened during the first month of trying, saved a lot of stress for us! So right now, there is a lot of possible stress, but I'm mainly concerned about finding a car that will last and have space for a car seat.

    There are still the bad days every now and then, but for the most part I'm doing good. The one part of my life that has never changed has been weight. I'm 6'3" 145 lbs. I can eat with the best of them, but have never been able to gain weight, especially eating healthy foods. I went on a workout spree for a few months, but nuisance injuries have put a halt on following workouts intensely. I only managed to gain 3 pounds, but figured it was only water weight, as it was all gone one random day, and hasn't returned. It kills my self-esteem and brings out the bad feelings when I see myself. Hopefully soon my metabolism will slow down and I can gain some muscle!

    Thanks flowingriver, for the list of stress relief activities.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 22, 2011
  6. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    Thank you for updating us broncofan. That's great to hear your wife is pregnant. Look forward to hearing about your little bundle of joy later down the road. I hope you'll remember there will always be those days that are rough, but well, at least as I see it, it leaves me cherishing the better days all the more, even leaves me feeling a bit hopeful you might say.

    All the best to you, your wife, and the little one on the way. :yay:
  7. marc7

    marc7 New Member

    Have you heard of flotation tanks?

    One saved my life about 30 years ago. Though in my case it was physical pain it also helped me tremendously with stress.

    I still use the tank for both purposes (Los Angeles). Do a search and see if they are available (hourly rental, $25-$50) in your area.

    The first time I used it I drove 50 miles.

    Take care & God Bless
  8. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    ok, I say this a lot, but acupuncture may help with your weight issue.

    glad to hear that things seem to be a little better now!
  9. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Congratulations on becoming a father!

    I too struggle with my weight. I'm 5'9" and 110 lbs. I cannot ever seem to gain any weight!
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