I have been gone for a little while from the forum. Being a full time student and working full time has been quite overwhelming for the past month and I was hoping that being so busy would keep me from suicidal ideation. In reality, nothing will get me out of this depression and hopelessness I've been feeling since I was a kid. More than half of my short life I have been dealing with this on top of childhood trauma. I am seriously wondering what the point of living is. I know that my life could be 100 times worse. I could be living in a war torn country or have no money and struggling to make ends meet. This depresses me even more and then makes me feel guilty as all hell. It makes me wonder if I will ever be happy since I know it can be unimaginably worse. But this pain I have felt for a long time and continue to feel can be extremely unbearable. I don't want to die because my life is horrible but because I feel so horrible. Dealing with this day in and day out while trying to keep up with the ever increasing demands of life makes me want to just run away. The other day I was ready to either empty my bank account and flee the country or drive to the nearest <mod edit - method> I think it is just relief from this feeling that makes me so suicidal. I am stuck in a cycle that I cannot get out of and trapped by my own emotions. Thanks for reading.