Losing it...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by aoeu, Jul 1, 2009.

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  1. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member




    Attempted purging.


    Can't see anything getting better.



    Running out of food.


    Still have alcohol.

    And I still have loneliness.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :hug: Steffan!!

    You're such a great person,you don't deserve to feel any of those things.
    I'm not sure what to say,but I hope you feel better soon x
  3. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I agree with you there... But I don't think whoever's dishing out the depression cares. I suspect I'll feel better soon, but it won't last.

    My life's a mess and I can't sort it out.
  4. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    What is going on? Why don't you let us know what is going on so we can try and help you. I know your felling lonely so hang with us.
    Hope to hear back from you!!! :arms:
    Take care and let us know,
  5. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Nothing, absolutely nothing is going on. I'm still unemployed. I still lack friends. I still have a completely derailed education. I still can't sleep.

    I still remember when it wasn't like this.

    Edit: Well, there's something slightly different from previous months: TRIGGERS. Popping up everywhere. The TV shows I'm watching for diversion... triggers have snuck in.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 1, 2009
  6. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    aoeu I know what you mean about nothing happening...story of my life. May I ask are you seeing anyone, I mean like a professional? It sounds like your feelings are pretty damn intense, depression and anxiety what a lovely combo in deed.
    You say you still remember when it wasn't like this which i can relate to but also see as a sign of hope. I mean if you can imagine and see it in your mind then you have a blue print already how you want it to be, see what I am trying to say?
    What happened with your education? I really liked school and feel an education in not essential per se but really important. Also if I may ask what were you studying ?
    please write back,
  7. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    Triggers can be hell to avoid and loneliness is killer. Is there anything you can do to get yourself out more (presuming you're indoors a lot)? Apply for jobs? Friends are easier to make when you have a job. Keep trying and you'll find one eventually. I agree that you should try to see someone professional about your feelings. Just to help you cope and get back onto your feet. Feel free to PM me anytime. :hug: Hope things get better soon!
  8. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I've tried seeing professionals, didn't go so well. I'm going solo now, it's better.

    I've tried working towards that decent life, but I'm increasingly certain it's not possible. I can't make a friend to save my life (which is literally the situation here...)

    I was in mechanical engineering. I'd be graduating in a year if I stuck with it, probably working a sweet job right now, too... I have no idea what happened. Looking back on it, when I dropped out I was viewing -shop time- as a burden! I love shop time?!

    I have been applying for jobs. Well, I was. I've given up now. Besides, I'm often in situations where I can make friends, and I fuck it all up.
  9. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I can relate to what you're saying. I cant have a normal job, I lack friends as well and I'm always alone at home. Lately tv's been triggering my depression but not today.

    Life sucks sometimes and then it gets better, then it gets worse.....its a vicious cycle of life....

    take care, and I hope things go better for you:console:
  10. Cortez

    Cortez Banned Member

  11. ramozk1

    ramozk1 New Member

    hi i'm new here.

    I'm in the same boat. Loneliness is probably the worst part. I'm facing financial issues, doing bad in college, living away from family and hiding the fact that i'm doing so poorly in taking care of myself and it just kills me that nobody knows or cares. I can't see myself commiting suicide because it would hurt my mother, but it damn sure crosses my mind and doesnt seem like a bad option at times, it's just the aftermath that stops me.

    I have no idea what to say you besides that you're not alone and I pray to God if He exists to give us the strength and energy to bounce back and hopefully be happy/content with ourselves one day.
  12. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    And let's not forget the loss of interest in hobbies. Hooray.
  13. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Insomnia. :(
  14. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Steffan, are you still on medication?
    Perhaps your doctor can prescribe you something for insomnia too :dunno:
    I hope you feel better soon x
  15. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I get insomnia all the time even with the most powerful sedative...my anxiety is too strong...but I agree with daisy chain maybe you should talk to your doctor and they can give you meds to help you sleep...
  16. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    The deal with insomnia is that I've been on Remeron for 5 years, which is a decently strong sedative and anti-anxiety drug. Now, though, I've been put on Seroquel for bipolar, which is said to be a strong sedative as well... Doesn't seem to be working so well. I'm curious if it might be because I've got the "extended release" version. Perhaps the ordinary version would be better, and hit me like a truck immediately after taking it...

    I'll see what I can do. At the moment I'm frustrated.
  17. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    I just switched from Seroquel XR to regular Seroquel and it's helped me get to sleep a little easier.
  18. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I used to take remeron but it made me more depressed and stuck in my mind so now I take seroquel and it does help me sleep a little...
  19. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey my daughter take the xr seriquel as well as the short acting version as well but in a less dose. Talk with your doctor and see what he or she thinks
    Loneliness sucks i know but you have the people here who definetly care. Hope you feel better and less lonely
  20. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Better days have been had. Had two positive responses from craigslist, moved to MSN! That's an important step, since personalities start to come out... It's only happened 3 times so far, and I got a date on the first one.

    The first was a girl who advised me to smoke weed to sleep and stop taking pharmaceuticals. I was skeptical about her to start, decided to give her a chance. That ended quickly.

    The second was a girl I really liked from the initial e-mails, we had pages-long replies. Got to MSN, first looked quite hopeful... Then we got into a debate about freedoms in democracy. Oh shit. She argues just like my family [whom I despise]. I was able to handle that, barely... until she said she was in favour of legal infanticide.

    So, I'm kinda terrified of people right now.

    And it doesn't get better - I'm deformed! My elbow swings into full flexion if I relax my muscles. >_<

    Edit: I declare today a good day for alcohol.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 3, 2009
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