On the outside my life looks alright. I have a wonderful fiance, and it hurts so bad to know that I cannot not explain these thoughts, these feelings with him. I honestly don't believe he'd understand. But every single day I want to end my life. I think about it all the time, even when things are good. I am haunted by my past, even though it's so far in the past. Sure, I had some counceling, and I tell people it's what made me. But it broke me, it really did. I often wonder what kind of life I would have had if it weren't for those terrible years. Most nights I dream about it. I just can't stop living those moments over and over again. My anxiety is quickly becoming crippling. I can't handle simple tasks anymore. Like going shopping, or talking on the phone. I have more and more days where I just cannot get out of my room. I'm sacred, scared to death. And I have no idea why. I know that someday just dreaming about these things will not be good enough. I just don't know how to ask for help. I'm not worth the time you've spent reading this really. I'm sorry.