Unemployed for five years at regular work. Fired from part-time job that I got through my father and let go once he was no longer there. No skills for a real job - I apply, apply, apply, apply, apply - three interview in five years. !5 years in the workforce behind me and nothing they can use now. Hard to believe. Must be some vibe I give off. Yesterday, my father asked me (ad my sister laughed at what he said), "So, you're not a corner selling pencils, yet, eh?" Today my p-doc refilled my script for pain medication. I know these meds mixed with my others make me do very high risk things. I live up on a high floor of my building. I kept telling the p-doc I just need my foot-stool to climber over the ledge. "Call and update me on how you're feeling" he said. I bought the pain medication. I have - I am - NOTHING to lose. P-doc is suggesting I volunteer at something now - an idea he pooh-poohed a year ago as being a waste of time for finding a job. Now he just wants me doing "something" rather than being "dead in the water". What he doesn't realize that all along I've been looking at volunteer posts as well as paid posts and I don't called in for anything. I send in applications. NOBODY wants me. I'm a loser. No use to anything or anyone. Not someone that an employer will want - not even someone who can "volunteer". I have enough savings to get by a few months more. My lawyer was supposed to contact my ex to re-open a spousal support case. I'm applying for jobs (I rarely get interviews never get job offers.) I'm not "good enough" to be taken on by temp agencies. Volunteer managers never call me back. The lure of finding a way out forever is very tempting. The mix of meds at my disposal makes me very confused and more likely to take action on a whim. I hate myself.