I am not sure where to put this thread so it ends up here. I think my batteries are running out. I know that I have not been the most sympathetic or active forum member... yet I come here to get the love that I am lacking in real life. So if this in the wrong place please move it... or hell just flat out delete it. I guess the question becomes where do I begin? I know I have posted this earlier, but it has been a year since I started my weight loss program... I am not where I want to be with it. I think this is one of my triggering events. A whole year I have dedicated myself to losing weight. I have lost weight, more weight than I have ever lost before. I do not even have to unbutton my size 42 pants any more. However, my goals are vain. That was to be expected... however I just want to be thin. Well more than just thin, but that is the start. It feels like it will be another year before I even accomplish that goal. I think that is where I am falling short again... as I see this goal taking twice as long as I had originally planned, despite all my work. God only knows how long the hard part of my plan is going to take. That part is me becoming socially and sexually active. I am starting from scratch. How I even managed to meet the female who started up my dark libido is beyond me. I have no idea what I am doing. Plus I am horribly shy and self-hating. So I have to overcome all of that. On top of that I have to figure out how to beomce attractive.... I don't know I guess I feel like if I take any more than 5 years... well 4 years now to complete this then there is no point I have wasted the best years of my life. After all what kind of female wants to be with 30+ something guy who has the aspirations of a high school guy right? I will just be cast to society as an immature guy who never grew up. I guess I feel like I have been climbing forever, and all I see is a wall of rock and clouds. I know I have not been as diligent as I could have been... I took weekends off from my diet. I got drunk, I lied around in self-hate (a good example of now). I do not know how much that hindered me. I know that I have myself to blame for my failure. I guess my point is I am running out of steam. I was able to keep a sprint of optimism up for a year. I said I have made this choice... we all make choices.. blah blah blah.. I kept on saying that it will all be worth it in the end... blah blah blah... I need patience these things take time. However now I stand here seeing.. well no real movement. Why did I make this thread.... I guess I am fishing for compliments... I am also looking for a light at the end of this tunnel. Maybe a voice to cheer me on. Something to help me find some kind of strength or a new wind. I know in the end only I can do this... I know I have come here for support as well... and have recieved it... however... well certian realizations have hit me hard since I moved back into my own apartment. The main one being how incredibly isolated I am... how very alone I am in this struggle. So I need to know that there is something... or maybe nothing... maybe I need to fill up my car and let it run me to sleep in my garage... Thanks for the time you put towards reading this thread.