I turn 21 this week. I used to be a slacker, but lately I've been doing well in university. It's killing me. The only thing that fulfills me is getting that good mark at the end, but the amount of work involved just burns me out. I spend hours trying to cope with the stress, vacantly staring at my phone (which obviously doesn't help me one bit) but I can't get myself to do anything else. I get overwhelmed extremely easily when I'm feeling low, to the point that crowding or too many questions or especially physical contact sets me off - I just leave the situation. It's very taxing on my relationships. In the same breath, because of the particular degree I've chosen I know I don't have any real future prospects. I know with the right enough of hard work I can make anything happen, but I just don't have it in me. I can't keep struggling like this, I don't believe I can wrestle myself into a future. I don't have it in me anymore. I've tried talking to my family, but they're not understanding. They mean well, but they don't get it. I can't explain to them how I feel without getting extremely negative or judgmental reactions under thin good intentions. Mostly they're angry with me. (For an added bonus they're anti-medication for depression, but in a backhand passive aggressive way where I'm not sure if me going on meds will actually hurt me more than it helps...) I don't feel that any success I can eek out will ever been good enough to make me feel secure, and I sure as hell don't have the fight left to find out. I feel like I'm so obsessed with hard indisputable 'success' that even my normal activities come under so much scrutiny that I can't do them without feeling ashamed (of wasting time) or dissatisfied. I don't know what to do, I'm already trying to reduce my course load... I think if I stopped altogether it might actually kill me. I just want to get my mind back.