Losing my only friend

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Viktor, Sep 25, 2014.

  1. Viktor

    Viktor Well-Known Member

    I actually have only one friend in my real life. I already posted before that i am very lonely and that i feel lonely. I also don't have a job. I have met this friend in my last job. He is nice. We have same interests and quite same opinions. Except one. He actually wants to be alone. He lives with his girlfriend. He likes her but he complains sometimes that it limits him to do stuff he would like to do, etc.. I already told him many times that i understand him. Even though i would give anything to have a girlfriend that would love me, i understand that sometime, it can be a bit frustrating, because it does limit you somehow. I am visiting him a lot in the work where i used to work with him. He is still working there. I was always honest with him. I told him that i like to spend time with him because he's my friend. I even told him that i like him, even though it may sound weird between mans. I of course meant it as friend and he knows it. I'm not gay. But the honesty is his weakness. He is so not honest, not only to me. And it was always me who asked him if i could visit him in work or meet with him somewhere. He never did that. And i just felt from him that i'm not wanted, even though we always had fun when we were together. But until i was with him, it always felt like he doesn't want to be with me. These days i was visiting him a lot. I guess he doesn't even realize, that he was the best support for me, because i could leave this place where i live and where i was forced to move month ago and where i hate it. I had reason to leave here and being with him was like therapy for me. But today, again, i told him that i would like to visit him tomorrow in work again. He told me not to. I asked him if he had enough of me and he said that he had enough of everybody. He simply told me between lines not to bother him anymore. But if he wasn't showing uninterest before so much already, i would say "ok, i'll leave him be for a while", but he simply doesn't want to meet me anymore. It was always like this. Always had to ask him 100x to come visit me or i will visit him or meet up. But it always felt like i'm bothering him. And even if he now said that he didn't mean it that way, i'm not sure if i'd want to continue like this. I just can't take this no more. I don't want to force someone to be with me. It hurts so much. I am now completely alone. I really don't know what to do. I can't look for job like that. I have no strength. I am done. I'm really scared what is gonna happen with me :'(
  2. Viktor

    Viktor Well-Known Member

    I basically need love from a woman. I need both friend and love from woman. But more love from woman. I am so desperate. I know it's weird, but i am sometime hugging my own hand. And i have teddy bear and i'm talking to him and also talking for him. I am speaking as he was speaking. Saying to my self "i like you so much Viktor" and hugging him. Yea, i am not far from going total crazy. But i am so sensitive and i feel so lonely and i em really desperate :'(
  3. shadowonthewall

    shadowonthewall Well-Known Member

    I can sympathise with you. I have no friends at all, and when I did, I always felt quite jealous of their friendships with others. Unlike you, the contact always had to be initiated by the other, because I was so afraid of rejection if they didn't want to see me. I guess there's nothing wrong with telling your friend that you like him, although if he's your friend, then it should be taken as read that you like him.

    Another thing that really concerns me about trying to make friends with someone is that they might be my only friend, whereas they would probably (like most people) have many friends. That would be too one sided for my liking, and I would be worried about being a burden or being perceived as harbouring excessive expectations for the friendship. So if I were to make a friend, I think that it would have to be with someone else who has few or no friends.
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know there isn't much anyone can say right now to ease the pain you're in. :hug: Just want you to know I read your post, and I'm here.
  5. CNikki

    CNikki Member

    I can sympathize as well. I lost the only friend I had earlier this year and they simply had enough. I don't blame them, but nevertheless, it hurts. It felt like the friendship wasn't going anywhere. As much as I don't want to feel the betrayal, somewhere deep down I feel that's what it is. We can't control how the other person thinks or feels and that's what sort of sucks when having 'a' friend. As some said, it's harder when 'that' friend has friends as well. I had no problem with that, though I did feel like I was being pushed out as the result.

    Time heals all wounds, hopefully.