losing my reasons to stick around

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by iitywygmah, May 9, 2010.

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  1. iitywygmah

    iitywygmah Member

    My family, they have been the center of my world for as long as I can remember, they also have been my reason or excuses to stick around. I would of ended it long ago.

    Lately though they are making it so hard to stay, my mom is probably the only one now that keeps me from taking the last step and carrying out my plans but I can see that she grows tired of my bad out look on life. I already know that after her death I will not stick around. Now I think I just might check out a little earlier

    Do not get me wrong I love them all, and would miss any of them dearly if something happened to them, but my older siblings and parents survived long before I was born and should do fine after I am gone. As for my younger siblings only one more to be married and I will be the only single child left of the whole crew, and they sure do not need me anymore once they are married.

    I just can not grasp what makes them happy, I must be broken.
    They are a family of optimist, I am the ONLY pessimist, and not a day goes by that they do not remind me how wonderful life is. I just put on a fake smile and try to agree.

    Just left my parents house early because of my sisters comments to me, I know in her happy, happy mind she did not mean it, but again when someone upsets me it is never asked what did they say to upset me, but what is my problem for getting so upset.

    I feel like just going to the bank in the morning cashing out everything and get this ball a rolling.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are broken inside and i hope you are getting help to mend you I hope you are taking some meds to help decrease you negative outlook on life i hope you are getting therapy to change your mind set. there is help i hope you and your family reach out and get some for you. everyone will feel the pain long after you are gone don't kid yourself i am still feeling the pain okay it never ever never leaves believe me on that one
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    yes please get some help as violet suggested.....I am a mother feeling the pain your mother will feel if you go so dont' hurt yourself...
  4. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    I think what you should do is make a list of reasons to stick around. They can be important things like "for my familys sake" or simple things like "so I can keep watching my favourite TV show". Whatever you want really.

    I made a list like this in my head a while back and it helped me a lot. It reminded me that there are things in my life that I love and are important to me, and that I shouldn't check out before my time is up. Maybe if you do the same, you will start to feel better and put your life in perspective.

    Please don't give up, your family still needs you.
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