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Losing my touchstone

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by BlondRedHead, Aug 6, 2009.

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  1. BlondRedHead

    BlondRedHead Well-Known Member

    My little sister started seeing this guy when she was 15. My mom was really strict and didn't let her date so I covered for her, he sent roses to the house while she was out and I took the card out and covered, when my parents did find out about him I talked them down and told them his positives and helped my sister pack when she moved in with him. I love my sister so much I would do anything for her, she is the one person in my family that doesn't treat me like a black sheep and she thanks me for opening her eyes and getting her to try new things, not be so closed with her emotions and to speak up for herself. She is my best friend and we protect each other from our crazy family.

    So her bf has been acting like a tool off and on the last year or so and he's still a good guy but way young and makes mistakes. That and you aren't the same person at 23 that you were when you were 17 so he was bound to change a little. His family had some issues and a fall out so now my sister is his family. She can be a bit melodramatic (she's the baby in the fam) so if we say anything about him she tells him we don't like him and he now thinks we are all out to get him. I keep telling her to stop and I tell him all the time that we love him but he is unsure now.

    Anyhow he proposed to my sister and they are getting married Christmas of '10. She is all excited and I am not but I congratulated her and got all giddy about her ring, that's what sisters do but secretly I am so upset. Way upset. He has changed so much and now because of his lack of attachment to his own family he wants her to be the same. He is in Iraq this Christmas so she told him she bought a ticket to come see me and he told her she isn't ALLOWED to see her family anymore. Yeah! He said that now they are getting married she has to get used to being alone when he is deployed and that she needs to cut us off. I'm shocked and upset. She wanted to cancel her trip home but I told her if she marries him she better step up and be a woman, tell him that she is still her own person and that he can not control her. She did it and he backed off a little but they are moving to Japan next yr. They will be there 2 years! He doesn't like her calling me all the time, she is obsessed with getting married so instead of waiting and having a wedding like he has been promising she is going to elope. At least that is what she was getting at today.

    She dropped out of school and works in a store to live with him, she is filing bankruptcy for 7k because he want marry her until her debts are cleared, she is giving up everything to be a military wife and her dropping school (she is so smart it is upsetting) is annoying enough and giving up the dreams she had for this guy... but she is kind of dropping us too and it hurts so bad. I feel sick over it. She is my touchstone and she is leaving and I miss her so much. She was supposed to be gone 1 yr and come home to finish school and now she is never coming back. She just turned 21.

    I don't know how to let her go.

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    i know you love your sister. the only thing you can do, is keep her in your prayers and wish her the best.
    remember loved ones dont always do what is in their best intrest.
    you could try to argue with her to finish school etc. but i dont think thats in her or your best intrest, it may ruin the relationship.

    just be there for her.
    let her know that.
    wish her the best. she will know you mean it.

  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Instead of talking to her talk to the so call boyfriend and tell him if he cared for her as he says he would encourage your sister to finish school and carry on her dreams as well. They can still get married but let her continue to lead her life. He is being selfish and controlling not a good sign at all. maybe slip pamphlet in sisters room about emotion abuse and controlling personalities see if she get it
  4. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    :hug: your sister has to decide for herself - without anyone elses imput. maybe ask her what she really wants out of life, and help her by suggesting the best ways to get there. getting married is a big step, but shouldn't determine whether or not you live your dreams out.
    and really, just be there for her, no matter what she decides so that if things do go wrong, she knoes she can fall back on you :) xx
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