Losing Myself

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Cortez, Aug 20, 2009.

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  1. Cortez

    Cortez Banned Member

    Sometimes I feel ok especially if I’m in my house by myself. But the more I step out into the world, the more I see I will never be a part of it or be accepted in society. I have no friends that I can speak of. I don’t even have internet friends even though I always talk to people and am friendly with them from forums or other websites. I guess maybe it’s my lack of consistency. A lot of times I have no energy to think and write down whatever’s on my mind, I occasionally leave posts on here and rarely start threads, but lately I’ve been desperate, but maybe not to speak with anyone because nobody will care but just to get things off my chest for anyone who cares to read. I am starting to realize that ultimately no one will be able to save or help me because of the circumstance that I am in (no friends or close relatives that can help). When I am at my lowest like now, I feel no more sadness, I don’t care to do much like watch TV. or listen to music (which I love to do), all I think about is killing myself. I can’t live in this world, it doesn’t want me. I am the ultimate loner, I want out. It’s like my goal is to kill myself, the only question is “what method will I choose”. Yesterday I went to these meetings that I attend, they are support groups for people suffering with depression, bi polar, and different types of anxiety disorders. I’ve been going there for a little over a year now. I talk to one person there a little closer than the others, but not that much, nobody even cares about me over there, many of them are very close to other members there, but I’m left out . Am I not human? Maybe not so much anymore as it seems that I’m unlovable and I have no idea what love feels like since no one has ever loved me besides my mother and I never really loved anyone except for my mother. I’m tired of this brutal isolation from this world, I can’t save myself from this, that’s why I want to end it now and not waste any more time.
  2. elvinchild

    elvinchild Well-Known Member

    Isolation is a really painful situation, but there are ways to get out of it. There are treatments and therapies that could help. A support group is wonderful and I'm glad you're going, but I think you need to work with someone one and one to learn skills that can help you to connect to people. There are also books on the topic that might help if you're diligent about practicing the advice.

    I know being alone and all the feelings that come with it is a serious roadblock to happiness. That's why its imperative that you find more help for it.

    At the same time - while you're trying to learn how to connect with people - it might not be a bad idea to try to ease your pain by learning about enjoying solitude a little bit. There are books on that too. For me spirituality/philosophy (not religion, I don't believe in a god, but the philosophy Taoism) has helped me to gain a greater appreciation of solitude.
  3. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    hey there..
    i think like 99% of ppl on this forum experience or have experienced isolation..
    like elvinchild said - it is such a painful situation..
    im in it myself atm.. have been for a while.. but iv sought some refuge in the ppl here.. for the 1st time in a long time i can say i have some friends.. they may be only online.. but i know they are there 4 me.. as i am 4 them.. and even more importantly we understand where each other are coming from.. i hope u keep posting and make some friends like i have..
    the support group u mentioned sounds like a good concept..i think when u have a group of ppl in the same room all suffering from depression it can be difficult sometimes for ppl 2 reach out and befriend each other..even though u may have so much in common i think the anxiety and fear of rejection can still take hold..
    mabye u could make the first move and talk 2 some ppl there that u have never spoken 2 b4? u will probably find they are just as nervous as u may feel..
    take care .. pm me anytime :hug:

  4. adalana

    adalana Member

    how old are you?

    i think its not your time to commit suicide, not this time, dont even think about it now

    my case of depression is more worst that you, lets fight this bitch together, dont surrender now, not now dude

    i think many people commit suicide think about that idea when their state is so unstable, which mean its not a really good choices, eventhough its true that with suicide u can runaway from your trouble, but isn't it a little egoistic
  5. Cortez

    Cortez Banned Member

    I'm 21 and I start college in a few weeks and I couldn't care less about college right now. I was actually about to mention how I don't think anyone could feel this bad and emotionally unstable as I am now, I feel like I hate the world and everybody in it for never loving me not even 1 person! I can't even go out without feeling intense rage and anxiety, but I don't want to take it out on anybody because I am not a violent person, so instead I just want to put myself out of my own misery and let the world be. But I am sure everybody here has a lot of pain and the degrees as to how much pain each individual has varies.
  6. elvinchild

    elvinchild Well-Known Member

    Its hard to gauge one person's pain against another's because everyone's experience is unique and different. Some people are more or less sensitive than others, we all have a different perception of reality, and we're living different lives.

    I do agree though that since you're young, there's a good chance you may not have had the chance to explore every possible solution yet, so I guess... if you can hold on... hold on, there may be hope. I'm 21 as well... feeling at the end of the rope... every day is agonizing... but I do have a few things left to try, so I'm trying to stick around and see if they work.
  7. adalana

    adalana Member

    i think we share the same misery, not equal, but the context is similar

    elvin suggestion is good enough for me, i might be not believe in miracle, but i dont know why, until today i still waiting for one to come, so i just keep hold on and waiting, even if i'm uncalm myself, but theres not much left for me in this world, i got nothing to lose

    so i'll just wait for a little much longer, i hope we can wait the miracle together, to see what happen ahead, to see is God really there giving His hand to me
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Justme,
    I well relate to isolation.. I haven't had any friends in like twenty years..I have been in total isolation for sixteen years.. I stay locked away in my bedroom..This life really sucks..Your still young so I would recommend you get a good therapist.. Mine is pushing me to do volunteer work to get me out and around people again..Please don't lock your self away from the world.. Go to college and make new friends..I'm sure you will find the people there are more mature..I wish all the best for you!!
  9. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    Hey Justme I know how you feel, I would rather stay indoors than go outside as well. I live in Australia, and I moved here when I was a kid from England. Because of the accent I had I got teased and bullied for about 3 years and since then have always felt like an outsider who didn't belong. It's tough to deal with, I know. I did make some friends though, and I'm sure you have friends of your own, or you can make friends you seem like a nice person. And even if you don't feel loved you are and you have plenty of time to find love. When you do it'll feel better than you could ever dream of, and you'll see the world for the beautiful place it is. Don't give up, give it time.
  10. adalana

    adalana Member

    hey thx for add me as your buddy

    now look eventhough i'm just your "e-friend", but still, i'm your friend

    u got one now, try to find the real one

    when god is help u finally, tell me the story, so i will realize, if god really there helping our kind
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