Losing someone Special

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Driver, Jun 10, 2011.

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  1. Driver

    Driver Member

    A girl Ive been friends with last 6 months & if I be honest who I love deeply told me yesterday she wants nothing got 2 do with me anymore. She's done this b4, but this time it could be 4 real. It's tearing me apart & Im very upset. I love her so much & always do what she says. Im finding it very hard & don't know what 2 do. I can't imagine coping without her in my life. A life without her as my friend is no life at all. Im crying last 24 hours all time & getting sick. I haven't eaten & Im very depressed.
  2. the masked depressant

    the masked depressant Well-Known Member

    i'm sorry you are in that situation.

    hopefully she will rethink and decide to get back with you
  3. Caster

    Caster Well-Known Member

    Has she said why she wants nothing to do with you anymore?

    It seems kind of immature on her part if she's done this before without any kind of explanation. Hopefully she'll change her mind though.

    I've been in similar situations before, and I usually just try to believe that whatever happens is for the best.

    I hope you start feeling better though.
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I can see one thing wrong with your plan.. Doing whatever she says..You need to be yourself and say no I want t do this instead.. In her eyes you may seem to be weak..I'm not trying to hurt you.. I just think you need to stand up to her...Show her you have confidence in your self..
  5. Driver

    Driver Member

    I never tried 2 stand up 2 her because whenever I didn't agree with anything she said she would say not 2 contradict her or if I didn't do what she wanted me 2 do she tells me that'll she never be my friend again & won't see me anymore. This really makes me so sad & I cry all the time when Im on my own. I really don't want 2 lose her because I feel so much 4 her.
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm not saying this to hurt you. But personally, I think you deserve friends who treat you better. You've got your own mind, and you shouldn't have to do what someone else says all the time. I know it hurts right now, and I know it hurts a LOT, because I know what it's like to lose someone you really care about and feel a closeness with. But eventually, you may see that this is for the best. A true friend wouldn't do this to you, and they'd allow you to be yourself and make your own decisions.
  7. Driver

    Driver Member

    I still see her. I seen her last 2 days after she told me earlier in week she wanted nothing got 2 do with me. My mind is all over place & it hurts me so much whenever she tells me she dosen't want 2 see me anymore, because Im afraid someday it might happen. I really love her & want 2 spend my life with her if be honest. Is there any hope that maybe she might change her feelings towards me? Id do anything 4 her & never get angry with her. Id treat her like a princess how she derseves 2 be treated, but just don't want 2 have 2 say goodbye 2 her ever.
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    But what about how YOU deserve to be treated? It doesn't sound like she's treating you very well.
  9. Driver

    Driver Member

    I suppose u are right there. I have spoke 2 her about way she treats me, but she just threathens me & says she'll never speak 2 me again or get lost whenever I brough it up. Maybe she's right 2 treat me like that.
  10. DawnB

    DawnB Well-Known Member

    Can I ask what made her act like this in the first place? She treats you quite terribly...
  11. oftenconfused

    oftenconfused Member

    Hi, I’m new to these kinds of forums so I can’t actually offer you any solutions to your problem, but I can try to give you some suggestions.

    You say that you’ve been friends with this girl and that you deeply love her. I think that is great, but the problem is the second thing you wrote. Judging from what you wrote, she treats you like crap, like you are her lap-dog, and that ain’t right. Did you ever tell her how you feel about her and ask her how she feels about you? Sorry to say that, but I don’t think she feels the same way about you, cause I don’t believe that someone would treat the one they love the way she is treating you. No one deserves to be treated that way, not man, not woman, no one! I’m sure she has some good qualities and that’s probably why you like her, but she’s not the only one. There are other girls out there who share the same quality or even better than the ones she has. I really think you should try to give your love to someone else, someone who deserves it, someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

    It's just a suggestion and you don’t have to try it, but at least try to get some help maybe in professional counseling.
    It is now up to you to make the decision and I’m sure it will work out for you.
    Just don't give up.
  12. Driver

    Driver Member

    Im new 2 these forums myself. Yes, she does she treat me very badly, but I still like her so much. Ive never had a relationship with a girl b4, so maybe that's reason y, but I do like her alot. She is very cutting & nasty at times. Ive never said a bad word about her. I did ask someone b4 y she treated me this way & she threathened never 2 speak 2 me again & this really upset me. That's all Ive ever done. Ive been told I could end up a manic depressent or with severe nerve problems because off this situation, but I don't want 2 get out off it, because I feel so strongly 4 her. Ive asked her b4 could we ever become more than friends & she said probably not. Ive asked her also does she like me, but I never got an answer. I will always love her & don't want 2 love anyone else. I can cope with what she does 2 me & how she treats me, because when I get upset I go 2 Pub & drink as much as possible 2 make me forget. I had a drink problem well b4 I got 2 know her, so she's no fault in that way, but it does help things a little. Im not most religous person, but I do hope there's a heaven & I look at if I be good 2 her in this life, maybe she might spend more time with me in next life.
  13. oftenconfused

    oftenconfused Member

    You know, there are so many things wrong with this situation which clearly states that you both got problems and issues which need to be sorted out before there is any chance of a good relationship.

    You are supposed to be her friend but she treats you bad. She treats you bad but you still like/love her like hell. You know that you love her but you don’t know if she loves you, only thing you do know is that you probably couldn’t be more than just friends, she said so. You are trying to drown your sorrow in alcohol but the sorrow can swim. You are willing to go through a lifetime of sorrow, hoping that she will be with you in the ‘next life’ but you don’t know if there even is another or afterlife, it is just an individual personal belief not a proven fact.

    I’m sure that you think that alcohol is helping you cope with the situation, but the fact is that it is harming you and is going to destroy you in the end.

    Maybe it’s the drinking problem why she doesn’t wanna be with you or maybe she’s being that to you because she has her own personal problems that you don’t know about and is just using you as her personal ‘punch bag’ because she doesn’t know any other way to relieve her stress.

    And there is still the chance that she really is just a bad kind of person who just doesn’t care about you. But you don’t know that and I think you should try talking about your situation with a professional counselor. They are out there and they will help you if you are willing to try.

    As I said before, just don’t give up.
  14. Driver

    Driver Member

    I understand fully what u have said. Yes, I have a drink problem, but 2 be honest I had that b4 I got 2 know her & in a way since I got 2 know her, it's improved 2 a certain extent. I don't generally spend as much time in Pub now as I did b4 I got 2 know her. I know her now 6 months & 4 someone who drinks as much as I do Im proud 2 say Ive never drank when in her company! I can see what u mean about "next life". Im not very religious myself, but I do hope that there is something else there. That's y if there isin't I don't want 2 loose her. Ive lost enough people who were important 2 me through death & I don't want 2 loose someone special when I know their still out there. Im not really sure how a counsellor would help 2 be honest. They would probably just give advice like stop seeing her, etc, and that would upset me 2 much. I don't think she's a bad person at all, but that could be possible as Im blinded by feelings 4 her. She has passed some hurtfull comments 2 me, even again 2day, but I try me best 2 ignore them most off time & keep my head held up high, but it does still get me down alot.
  15. oftenconfused

    oftenconfused Member

    To be honest, I don’t know how you should deal with your situation because I’ve never experienced something like it. I can only offer you some suggestions that may somehow help you but you don’t have to follow them and I could be wrong. All I know is that if I were ever in a situation like yours, I would try my best to somehow get help or just some suggestions from others.

    The counselor thing is just one of the options which could help you find a solution.
    I agree, they may advise you to stop seeing her, but, they may also advise you on how to approach your situation/get closer to her to find out her true feelings for you and maybe help you find the best way to let her know of your feelings for her. I also agree that you may be blinded by your feelings for her and therefore unable to see the real picture.

    That is why I think you should get an outside help from someone who will be able to see your situation more objectively and it may not even be a counselor, it could be a family member or a friend or just someone who’s been in a similar situation and got over it.

    Remember. Even if they don’t suggest/offer you a way to deal with her, they will try their best to somehow help you move on with your life without her. And no matter which road you take to get help for your situation, you must take it to get help for yourself first, to make you feel better in heart and mind. You can’t take care of someone else until you feel good about yourself.

    If you do decide to see a counselor or just someone you know, try to see more of them because multiple opinions are always better than one and one of them may have the right solution for you. You never know until you try and I think it’s worth trying, because you should not and must not spend your entire life feeling bad.
  16. Driver

    Driver Member

    I can see your point about going 2 a councellor, but as I said earlier, I know exactly what they would say 2 me. In relation 2 speaking with family or others, I spoke to 2 close friends, 1 male, 1 female & they are only people who know how upset I am. The female was in a relationship with her ex partner for 8 years & claims 2 have gone through a similar situation. The male friend I spoke 2 is actually Gay, but went through a similar situation with an ex partner off his also, but both their advice 2 me was 2 forget about her & move on, which I can't do & don't want 2 do. If anything, it's that idea that upsets me more than way that she treats me. She can make me feel so low at times, by saying comments 2 me in front off others, including her family, that make me appear 2 be an egit or a fool. Most off time, I try 2 ignore this & don't let it get 2 me. I just stay quiet & take her comments in & let them out other ear. However, 1 time I was a little drunk & I told another woman way that she was treating me & she did not take 2 kindly 2 this. She accussed me off "reading" her. Ill admitt I was wrong in speaking 2 someone else about my problems with her, but I didn't say anything bad about her or call her any bad names. All I spoke about is how she can treat me this way? After this she was very angry & twice since then has threatened not 2 speak 2 me anymore over smallest off things. This really hurts me when she tells me that she never wants 2 see me anymore. Ive tried my best 2 do what any decent man would do. I buy her nice gifts, drive her places, talk 2 her, never get angry or in bad mood with her. I even sent in a request 2 a local radio station saying how sorry I was over talking about her & how much I care about & think off her. I do my best & Im all out off ideas as 2 how I can do anything more that would be nice. I worry all time now that someday she'll cut ties with me & I won't be able 2 cope. She has threathened 5 times since I got 2 know her that she would & 1 time I was working nights on my own & felt so upset & depressed that I tried something unspeakable off. That was 1 off worst weeks off my life. Ive never been more upset. I spoke 2 Samarthians & everything. Ive had bad times since then, again only last week, but I don't want 2 have 2 go through this again. I can't see what Ive done wrong 2 upset her. As I mentioned above I always do what she asks & have done some very nice things. Maybe Im just an un-loveable person & world might be better off without someone as useless as me.
  17. oftenconfused

    oftenconfused Member

    You may see my point in going to the counselor but until you are willing to actually go there you can’t get help for yourself. You don’t know what they will say to you cause you never tried it. Have you been to a counselor before? The main point is that you see a professional counselor/s about your problem so they can help you move on with your life with or without her. As I said before, you can’t spend your entire life feeling bad and a counselor is your best solution because you can’t resolve this situation by yourself. You said that you talked to friends about it and that they advised you to stop seeing her. I think that is the road you should take, you should cut ties with her and move on with your life. You say that you don’t wanna do that and I believe you, but you gotta do what’s best for you and not for her. To be completely honest you never said one good thing she did for you. All she does is treat you bad and by the way you described it, she treats you like you are her ‘bitch’ and that she can do to you whatever she wants and THAT AIN’T RIGHT. You also say that the world would be better off without someone as useless as you. I think you’re quite the opposite of useless. As you said you have done everything she asked you to do and that you buy her gifts and drive her places and overall just being good for her. The way I see it, that is exactly what every woman on this world wants from a man. They want you to buy them gifts, to be there for them, to support them, to treat them right and most importantly to love them. You did all this for her so I don’t see how you can call yourself useless. I wonder what do you even see in her, what is so special about her? It can’t be her personality cause she’s got none. Any other woman would be happy if their man did all those things for them but she doesn’t, all she does is put you down. You gotta forget her and you gotta move on without her because that is the only way that you will ever live your life normally. I’m sure that you feel that you’re not strong enough to do that so that’s why talking to a counselor/s is your only solution. The way I see it you only got two options.
    1. You go see a counselor/s who will help you and point you to right directions/therapies maybe prescribe you some meds to make you stop feeling so down, or
    2. Continue living the way you are doing now which is sooner or later going to destroy you mentally and physically. And I do mean sooner than later.

    The decision is yours and no one can make it for you. What do you wanna do? How do you wanna live your life?
  18. Driver

    Driver Member

    Maybe I might try going 2 a councellor once & see what they have 2 see. I suppose there's no harm in trying it out. I think Im already destroyed mentally & physically. I cry alot now & didn't do that in years. Im not sleeping well & not eating well either. Ive never been close 2 a woman b4 & that is 1 reason y Im so fond off this girl. When I 1st got 2 know her she seemed friendly & was always nice 2 me, but within a few weeks that changed. She asks me 2 take her places, but very rarely includes me. She normally makes me wait 4 her or come back when she's ready. I have no problem doing anything 4 her, but it does hurt a bit 2 think that she feels embarassed by me. It took me a very long time 2 become close a girl & she does have a special place in my heart. I don't have 2 many close friends & Im not very close 2 my immediate family, and don't really have much contact with other family members, so in a way she's only person I have. This is reason I don't want 2 lose her or cut contact with her. I know at times everyone has bad days & can understand y she might not always be in best form, but all I want 2 do is show feelings & emotions towards her. Life is 2 short 2 be fighting & not talking 2 someone, especially those who u care about deeply. Some off her family have told me that she's shy towards men, but I didn't see that side when she went off with another fella 1 time & I was made a fool off in front off several people I knew. Ive got over that since then, but I asked her b4 when I was down 4 just a simple hug & she refused. I don't know what I do wrong. Ive done everything she said 2 me when I 1st got 2 know her, that she expects from a fella, but never got any reward 4 it. Im not very big in 2 women & 2 be honest if I could spend my life with her Id be a happy man. I couldn't really care if she was 2 meet other fellas behind my back & would not think any less off her if I knew she was 2 do it. Im a joke off human being so she probably would meet better men on nights out, but just if I could spend time with her & love her, that's all I ask. Id be very loyal & always be there 4 her, like I am since I got 2 know her. Im so down over this whole situation & just can't figure out how life can be so cruel.
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