Losing the ability to talk myself out of it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Viridian, Apr 28, 2015.

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  1. Viridian

    Viridian New Member

    I wont bore you with the all the details, but I've been suicidal for quite a while now. The only reason why I haven't offed myself is because I don't want to upset others. My parents are very passionate about family ties and would mourn my death, regardless of how poor a daughter I am.
    In the past every time I felt like acting upon my suicidal desires I would go through the process of talking myself out of it; saying to myself "I can't do something that selfish..." and so forth. Though sometimes I feel like I might just be making more trouble alive than my life is worth. Not to mention the idea of stagnating for the rest of my years isn't one I'm looking forward to at all.

    Getting on with it, recently a girl my age died in a car crash. Being that I live in a small town this is a big deal and the whole school is in mourning. Currently when trying to talk myself out of my death-wish, all I can think of is how now would be the best time to kill myself. Everyone is already gloomy, and my death would be overshadowed by the other more communally-appreciated girl. I feel like this is my time to strike... but part of me still knows that it's not any less selfish than before.

    If you put up with reading this, thank you for sticking around to hear my prattle.
     
    Viridian, Apr 28, 2015
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  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Welcome to SF. I am glad you found us and hope through reading and interacting with others here you are able to find some support and comfort. So far as your considerations of thinking this "would be a good time" due to the other tragedy (aside from the fact I do not think there is ever a good time and will always be far more reasons against than for it you were to allow others to list rather than your self while your mind is being lied to be depression) I do not believe adding a second tragedy would improve the situation in anyway. I know in my experience when having a really bad time having something else really bad happen has ever made it feel better and suspect the same of the members in your community.
     
    NYJmpMaster, Apr 28, 2015
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  3. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. I am sorry that you feeling down. You are important and do not think anything different. Life can be hard but you have the whole of your life to live for.

    Your parents would truly must you as well as your friends. You need to speak to a conseller about your feelings. I strongly suggest that you seek medical advice about your feelings.

    What you feel is no different to what others feel on this forum. You are no longer alone as we can help YOU. Keep posting here for the support you need. Be strong and take care. Do not act on any feelings..
     
    Unknown_111, Apr 28, 2015
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