I wont bore you with the all the details, but I've been suicidal for quite a while now. The only reason why I haven't offed myself is because I don't want to upset others. My parents are very passionate about family ties and would mourn my death, regardless of how poor a daughter I am. In the past every time I felt like acting upon my suicidal desires I would go through the process of talking myself out of it; saying to myself "I can't do something that selfish..." and so forth. Though sometimes I feel like I might just be making more trouble alive than my life is worth. Not to mention the idea of stagnating for the rest of my years isn't one I'm looking forward to at all. Getting on with it, recently a girl my age died in a car crash. Being that I live in a small town this is a big deal and the whole school is in mourning. Currently when trying to talk myself out of my death-wish, all I can think of is how now would be the best time to kill myself. Everyone is already gloomy, and my death would be overshadowed by the other more communally-appreciated girl. I feel like this is my time to strike... but part of me still knows that it's not any less selfish than before. If you put up with reading this, thank you for sticking around to hear my prattle.