wouldnt be here to read or reply if i didnt feel the same way , just joined to add my thoughts , been my birthday today ... well yesterday now but in my head it still is ... and spent it alone as usual as i have done for past 6 years , being on the spectrum and other things i lead a sad lonely isolated life and not a pleasant one , all i have to keep me here in 'hell' is my cat , so dont get one if you want to live as its such a strong bond and been my only reason for carrying on , carry on screaming (my fav film) . yeah pushed myself to go out alone on a sat night in e lon yesterday , it as usual reminds me why i hate life and people and shouldnt have bothered but maybe you know the madness of optomism or foolish hope perhaps where you think things might change or you might get lucky or meet someone nice or something good may happen to balance out the tilt of turds , but nah even got hassled and nearly in a fight with a guy as soon as i get off the nightbus just to make the evening and my life even more painful and that was the third incident of unneccessary human effluent id had to deal with in two days . as for getting any help there really isnt any , if you have friends that are of any use you are lucky but maybe this interknot has some uses apart from turning us all into cyborg zombie twats off our facefooks twattering about , nhs are useless , samaritans will listen but ultimately be no real help once you are down and wanna get out type situ . i tried to sleep things off until im woken by nehbore as usual as they lovingly installed lovely laminated flooring and with having misaphonia the sound of furniture being dragged about is indeed a drag , so up again drinking more , i think its a human malaise or some fancy word or term for 'vots going on with the world ' say that like a ventriloquist if you can say neh mind say it , but yeah although there are good things and people in this world , it for me is outwayed by negatives i experience which ticks me off into an atomic bomb of a pyscho or something every day and certainly every time i leave the house f see the news or hear rubbish music or anoying people etc etc insert official diag hypnosis here , wish you were here - are you keeping up with the pink floyd refs ? , i can go on and on ...a list as long as the dna helix about things that are irritants and life killers , things that get to me clearly dont affect the flock , so we as a whole bunch of primate rejects stare at the phones that are smarter than we are whilst we ignore darth vaders advice crossing the road , sheepishly buy n consume n eat n live or some state of life as painful as that may be at times or if you are randomly fortunate something nice probably from nature to remind you of what is good in this screwed up world , for me anyway nature and good music provide some solace but for past two days ive been losing it and missing the point , life is mostly excrement but theres some diamonds amongst those turds . i found exercise helps and so does copious amounts of alcohol and nutrition but only enough to take the edge off and keep me uncomfortably numb . im not going on x -or why bother- factor anytime soon , lifes been painful but had its moments , mainly my two loving cats , you cant change the world and maybe not yourself but that is ultimately the only thing that can ever be in your own hands , what you feel well it may pass as its done for me a thousand times , i see a pretty woman and im conned into thinking theres a point to this charade , gawd i ramble , sorry its my adhd , i remain breakfastly biscuitly wrong and unstable but even broken biscuits and universes are made of cosmic things , maaaan . maybe you need some drugs and i dont mean the nhs kind , or cake , a chocolate one , or a marmite cheese toastie , or a twat like me to stop trying t make light of things and come across like mary berry meets my booky wooky geezy , am i making any sense ? if im making you feel worse i will shut up and drink more cider
