Losing the war

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by WhyMeWhy, Jan 8, 2008.

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  1. WhyMeWhy

    WhyMeWhy Well-Known Member

    I hate..... when I wake & I see my life I hate it.... so I take drugs....only the ones in my posession but I fear that if I ever get hold of the wrong kind I'll just take those too.... like there is a "right" kind of drug. Please :rolleyes:

    So anyway, what I love to take is basically a weak form of heroin.... guess that makes me a junkie.... and I live w/ other addicts so there's little remorse going on. We sorta encourage eachother I suppose-not good-but it drives us. Thus we go about life normally.

    Now, I don't always need the opiates the way the other person does... but I always need something..... used to be speed so now I abuse coffee for lack of anything else to take. Yep, I'll drink coffee till I puke, if I have to. Just to go about the day.

    Before I'll take coffee I'll take antihistamines though....and before those I'll take benzos or barbituates. It's always something..... always.
    Alcohol is the last last LAST resort, but that's there too.
    Funny, you may take valium to go to sleep right? Well, when I get my refill I'll be taking it as soon as I wake up. I'll be taking it because I have to wake up and live, live my life.

    So I'm living on drugs, Metallica was/is right:

    Taste me you will see
    More is all you need
    dedicated to
    How I'm killing you


    I've grown so used to this, it's all that I know now. Heaven help me that
    I'm ever sober. I make the worst decisions then for some reason.
     
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