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Losing wt sometimes does not feel like winning

Sadeyes

Staff Alumni
#1
We all keep the protective shells we need to live in this world, and when this safety is exposed, we can feel very vunerable and misplaced...I am used to envisioning myself as a 'fat' woman...safe in my layers, purposely unattractive to some, and now I have lost around 98 pounds...gosh knows how many stones that is, but sometimes I would like to use them to rebuild the wall I had around me...I went from a size 22 to a size 12 in 2 yrs, and now I am not the fattest person in the room anymore...I am the thinnest I have been since I was in my early twenties (the yr my father died and I starved myself)...I was a early member of the ED club, as food was withheld from me and so it became less comfort...but today, I am a thinner and more attractive me, and sometimes the world feels more threatening...and btw, I have done this with with eating sensibly, excercising as I can, reducing my comfort/anxiety eating...hope one day my self-concept catches up to my real body shape...big hugs, and please do not send any chocolate...still love the stuff and can only eat it in moderation (that word stinks!)...Jackie
 

Tatara

Active Member
#2
Congratz on the weight loss. I'm not so sure that I can relate to you myself. I've lost 60lbs now (going for 20 more to reach my first goal, 60 more to reach a healthy weight). Went from size 22 to size 16 and am the thinnest I've been since, well I don't remember.

I was bigger in highschool then I am now. All I've gotten is bursts of confidence (over-confidence in most cases, still learning how to control having it around). Thank goodness my husband realizes that its because I've never been this way before, he laughs at my over-confidence and in turn I do too. I've learned to make light of it but I definately am not going to deny it from coming - I've needed it for a long time.

I still am large, so I still feel like the "fat chick" in the room - I am interested to see if this will ever go away.

Again, congratulations! Its a huge accomplishment and I hope that you can begin to feel less vulnerable and more powerful in your new you.
 

Sadeyes

Staff Alumni
#3
Thanks T..saw your post so I am sure you know some of what I am going through...it is a 'huge' accomplishment...lol...and one which I am still not fully adjusted to...much more attention ... saw a friend yesterday who I have not seen in months, and she said 'you're so little'...yes, that is the good and bad news...trying to take that in instead of food...but I must admit, dressing and shopping is much easier...thanks again for your support, and best of luck/work to you too...big hugs
 

Terry

Antiquities Friend
Staff Alumni
#4
Wow, well done Sad. I've gone down 3 dress sizes but still feel enormous. Size 12 is what I'm aiming for..getting there, but its a slow process and last night I binged :sad: Still twas but one night, back on track today.
 

Sadeyes

Staff Alumni
#5
Thanks for your understanding D...and the props...not near done, as I want to loose around 30 more pounds...my fantasy is to finally enjoy the warm weather, dressed how one is meant to dress...lol...and congrads to you...journey-single step....and you have taken some great ones yourself...wishing you get to your goals and embrace the achievement...big hugs
 

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