Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Silvio, Nov 3, 2009.

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  1. Silvio

    Silvio Well-Known Member

    I keep trying to move on, but I can't, that f****ing day I lost.....it keeps haunting me over and over. Coming to school everyday, seeing badges on other people, what could've been mine, what could have changed my life forever, the only thing I could have been proud of.
    The day when I conquered all my fears, stood up in front of 150+ people all alone, the majority that I knew and said my speech.
    Some were in tears, it was moving, funny and people I didn't know even called it "inspirational".

    I'm talking about the leadership position in my school, how the shitty life of mine had to make me lose by a few points. I was extremely honest up there, I didn't want any pity,I mentioned about how I was struggling with an illness and left it at that,I said I wanted to help others get where they wanted and what I thought the traits of a good leader was suppose to be, stuff like "equality" "open-mindedness" and concern for his fellow classmates (I forgave them regardless of all the shit and torment they put me through.) Inevitably I came 2nd of course, to a guy who copied his whole speech entirely off Martin Luther King and Barrack Obama. I wrote everything from the heart, I had no quotes. Why the hell did I lose? "It's your big day today"....when that was said at the day of the results that did not f***ing help, why is hope such a cruel thing. Oh yea and you know what really enraged me further? After the results....over 100 people reminding me of how I lost "Unlucky......" Argh SHUT THE F*** UP!

    After that, I was nominated for 2nd in position, with about three other people competing, me, a guy that went for the top position and a guy that didn't even make a speech. I was away so I couldn't write anything on the piece of paper stating why I wanted that position.....that asshole who didn't make a speech stole all my ideas about why he wanted that position, when initially he probably did it for the popularity......I had to shake both hands of those a**holes that stole what could of been mine.....that could of changed my life for the better.

    I'm trying to get over it, but I have to come to school every single day, to see those people with the fancy badges representing the school and on top of that I'm still a nobody, everywhere I go, strangers I don't even know come up to patronise or belittle me...... it hurts trying to move on, even though I can't, can anyone else relate to this?
    fuck my school and fuck leadership, it's just based on popularity.
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    You made a dent in the other persons popularity. I can tell you from experience you led students the day you gave your speech. I stood up a few times in high school and agonized afterward, sick with anxiety that people would hate me. Later, I would find out that other students said they wished they had the guts to say what I did.

    My second daughter went into a high school as an unknown and ran for class president. She gave a speech from the heart. As a person with a sister who has autism and a mother who has major depression, she said the same kind of things you said.

    She lost too, but she did get a substantial vote. The student that won was the student that was known. Not all people vote for who they know, many vote their beliefs.

    Students had beliefs my daughter and you hold. Neither of you won the position but you won honor. You stood up. You can hold your head high.

    As for anyone who makes fun of you, always remember, there are those who make fun of other people. Those that make fun of you, me, my daughter, make fun of other people as well. That speaks volumes about who they are. It's a quick way to determine that that is a person to keep distance from.

    I'm proud of what you have done. Don't give up on your beliefs. To thine own self be true.

  3. Tim.

    Tim. SF Emoti-King

    It sounds like you did something you should be proud of. Getting up in front of people, opening up and taking a stand is tough. You did it, no matter what the vote was, and you made a difference with some of your classmates (over 100 kids were impressed enough to talk to you about it!).

    I don't know those other kids that won. Maybe they're leaders, and maybe they aren't. But having a 'leadership' position at school doesn't make you a leader.

    Doing what you did does. Standing up for yourself and speaking your mind, taking on a task, and sticking with it. It won't attract everyone, but people that find something in what you say or do will be willing to follow your lead. All those people that talked to you about it - you connected with them.

    You don't have to do that if you don't want to. But it sounds like you have the guts to do it if you do want to.
  4. Silvio

    Silvio Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I'm trying my best to move on.....I know I'm filled with possible envy, due to not making any progress in life. In all seriousness though.....why do I need to be further tormented and reminded of my failure, life is ridiculous. Leaders never get jealous do they?....to delude myself in thinking I was "leadership material" too...... I can't escape from being a fucked up loser.
  5. Tim.

    Tim. SF Emoti-King

    ALL THE TIME!!! That's nothing to be ashamed of, it's natural. I just hope it doesn't have to eat you up inside.

    I don't know if you really want to be a leader or not, or if this is really about just getting along or being appreciated. I don't know... school is tough sometimes. But I'm pretty sure that what you did is a good thing, and losing doesn't make you a failure.

    You had the courage to get up and do it. All those other kids that talked to you afterward were probably impressed because they didn't have the guts to put themselves out there or didn't think that they deserved it. You did.

    I don't know if that helps at all, but that's my reaction. I'm sorry I don't really know what to say though. You sound like a good person and I hope you get over all of this.
  6. Silvio

    Silvio Well-Known Member

    Thanks, nah it's not about getting acceptance and being appreciated, but just changing and trasit to a better person, changing the world to make it a better place....and all that garbage. Fame isn't really my thing anyway, doing things that can make society a happier place is......missed opportunity that made me upset.
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