The truth is I couldn't give a damn about the effects on those around me if I killed myself, that's because I was damaged so deeply I lost my value of life, and I learned to hate those closest to me because they were blind to my struggles. When you reach that stage, you don't care anymore about anything or anyone, that's how much you hate yourself and your life. The only reason I haven't killed myself is because it is impossible for me to, I don't expect you guys to understand, but...yeah. That's what happens when you are tortured, and you keep breaking inside until there's nothing left to break. A spiritual ghost has no physical form. A physical ghost has no spiritual form coz it's been destroyed.