Loss of value of life - do you have it truly?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DrivEthermissIon, Oct 27, 2009.

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  1. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    The truth is I couldn't give a damn about the effects on those around me if I killed myself, that's because I was damaged so deeply I lost my value of life, and I learned to hate those closest to me because they were blind to my struggles. When you reach that stage, you don't care anymore about anything or anyone, that's how much you hate yourself and your life. The only reason I haven't killed myself is because it is impossible for me to, I don't expect you guys to understand, but...yeah.

    That's what happens when you are tortured, and you keep breaking inside until there's nothing left to break.

    A spiritual ghost has no physical form. A physical ghost has no spiritual form coz it's been destroyed.
     
  2. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

  3. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    Honestly I've thought about my Mum and Dad screaming over my dead body and I really wouldn't care. That's defined as misery. That's what happens when physical failure is your only objective in life.
     
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  4. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    If you want to know the honest truth, the only thing that keeps me sane is that one day I'll go to sleep and I'll wake up and everything will be magical and different and I'll be happy for the first time in my life. If I didn't have that to keep me going, I swear, I'd be screaming every second. That's based on the miracles I've been through - that's me, in a nutshell. Life is utterly unbearable without that hope and destiny. All of you are better off than me if I don't have that hope, no matter the situation, none of you are if I do. I hope that isn't rude, please forgive me, it's just my thoughts.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 27, 2009
  5. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    That's why I can keep going. That's why I'm tough and strong, I shrug off everything. I'll be fine ^__^ .
     
  6. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KII1ruAfvsg Official

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8ClzqUq9kg Stardust

    When I listen to that song, I daydream every time that I'm going to paint people's names in the stars (with real stars) some day decorated with fireworks never seen on Earth hahaha ^__^ . Anyway...

    'Rule the world' by Take That (song)

    Hope it cheers you up. Not to be confused with Clapton, completely different. That song is my favourite happy song, 'Kristy are you doing okay' by The Offspring is my fav sad song as I can identify with the level of failure.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 27, 2009
  7. chooselife

    chooselife Well-Known Member

    Yeah I remember feeling like that also; reaching the point of hating life and not caring. Not caring about anyone or anything, but just trying to get through another day.

    You can't blame other people for being blind to your struggles. Some people do not understand depression or mental illness, some cannot relate, others think its a chosen mind frame. They are ignorant of it, some are even scared of it. You have to do what's right for you, forget other people right now and work at making YOURSELF happy. Only you can do this, nobody else but you.

    No-one gave a shit about me either, that was until my attempt and they realized the urgency and extent of my pain. But don't do this to wake them up, just focus on you and getting you well. You need to wake yourself up.
     
  8. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    Thanks for that. I think I was a bit tough on people. I said I don't care I DO. I care about all of you.
     
  9. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    :hugtackles:
     
  10. lapazyelamor

    lapazyelamor Well-Known Member

    totally understand you brother i am feeling exactly the same my time will be soon because life is cruel and once the damage is done and your set back from the rest of society there is no other way out, i would rather die than live and be incapable of the most simple things in life such as relationships , the only advice i can give you is if you havnt gone down the drug road i HIGHLY RECOMMEND it , though dont smoke pot unless you know it agrees with you, if you can get some MDMA get it and it will change your view of the world and your life it was originally designed for people with depression and PTSD look it up on wikipedia , if you cant get that you could get some mdmc which is legal in a lot of places , the only time i breath is when im high for some people that is just the way it is , we should have easy access to xanax and klonopins but nope they wont dish em out,
     
  11. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    Cool ^__^

    There was one called clonazepam I had in hospital, I have no idea why they would prescribe something like that, but God, it makes you feel so wonderful...it is the king of benzodiazepines.

    I'm chemically sensitive so I can't really have drugs like what you described anymore (never actually had any hard drugs), can't even smoke or drink, but I don't really need it, my drug is the spiritual miracles I have received, it's so cool, I wish I could share it with you, it's like being in a marriage but without the strings, I mean I've told people my age at work when I used to work and they thought I was much younger coz there's like a burning fire in me it keeps me young.

    Thank-you for your warmth, I've got nothing against you at all apazyelamor, but be careful saying too much, you might get in trouble ;) .
     
  12. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    But yeah I take a lot of medication and vitamins and nutritional herbs to help my body and brain.
     
  13. acarina

    acarina New Member

    I could relate very well to this post...

    People who try to deter you from suicide always say something like, "think of your friends and family." Well, I have no friends and the little family I have to speak of doesn't seem to care. They make it clear that I'm a burden to them, and never take me seriously when I hesitantly tell them I think I need help for suicidal depression and anxiety.

    I just keep getting told I'm being selfish and stupid. I almost feel like I'd be getting revenge by leaving my dead body around for them to find. At my worst, I wish I could do something messy so they'd have to clean it up, and regret not listening to me when I tried to reach out to them.
     
  14. lapazyelamor

    lapazyelamor Well-Known Member

    Re: Cool ^__^

    i guess you are talking about christianity and your relationship with god ? i have the same and "feel" and believe in god, but my despair drives me away from it, ithe only reason i am here today is because i have feared and believed in god, its just something inexplicable that you cant explain you just know you believe it and it doesnt feel forced or wanted, though i wish that i had never of believed then i would not be here suffering,

    good luck !
     
  15. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    It's not really Christianity it's more being possessed, like that Denzel Washington movie Fallen, but in a much stranger way, I don't think I can go into it here XD but anyway...it's really nice sometimes.
     
  16. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    I'm not talking about any demon either. It's an extremely high ranking spirit of good, but turned away, on a mission like me, and female! It's so mollycoddling, I don't know how to describe it. I'll get a link for the thread about my history.
     
  17. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

  18. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    That really sux acarina, I'm sorry...

     
  19. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    You're not selfish and stupid. You're not. Don't worry. Be strong and be brave.
     
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