Lost a good friend three days ago...

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Cyclingguy, Dec 7, 2009.

  1. Cyclingguy

    Cyclingguy New Member

    May be someone can help me with advice and such. My Friend of the last 9 years took life with a gun while extremely drunk three days ago. We were close friends in that we both took the time to talk with each other on a fairly regular basis either by phone or email. I don't have really any friends with the exception of my family but he was a type of person you could just air all the crap happening in your life and he would help diffuse the situation. You see I keep to myself and this person took the time to get to know me. When we talked egos, etc. were checked at the door.

    We were planning on going to a concert soon and I had hopes of a great evening just hanging out, food, watching the band, you know guy's night out stuff. A night away from the family...act like you're 20 something again type night. He seemed very excited about this as well. BTW, those tickets? I'm just going to give them away to some 20 something couple this week. I cannot see going knowing my friend should have been there.

    As the situation unfolds I wonder what happened to this guy? Why do this? We talked about a recent suicide that was in the news and we both said it was stupid and most importantly mean to do when you have family. He has two beautiful children and a wonderful sweet wife.

    What is odd is a day before the incident I spoke with him for 42 minutes (typical weekly call) and there was no indication of sadness at all. It all seemed normal with the same jokes and sarcasm about the news events of the world. It saddens me he leaves a wife and kids behind. In addition it pisses me off at the same time. This person was only 40. He had easily 20 -25 years to go.

    Through discussions with family and friends, I found out his life was more complex than I had thought. The serious doubts with depression took a toll on his family and this never surfaced in discussions with me or his family. This different side was never let out of the bag. Then again I'm not perfect either. Only God knows.

    I have no clue if I will ever find a friend again like this person. I know if I do I will take the time to visit more often, go do things and try to make sure I know the person better. Truly I will miss this person. I pray God has mercy.

  2. chloe21

    chloe21 Well-Known Member

    I am sorry that happen to u. I had that done to me before but my was not the gun shot he die of bad flu
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry for your loss your friend didn't want to burden you with his thoughts If he had not been drinking maybe he would have seen more clearly how his actions would have harmed his family. There are lots of people here to talk to not that anyone will replace your friend. I hope in time your pain lessens take care.
  4. Cyclingguy

    Cyclingguy New Member

    Thanks. I completely agree 100% if alcohol wasn't around then this would not have happened. Just really makes you realize how out of control things can get.
  5. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy

    so sorry to hear about your loss.

    last year my friend was on LSD and hung himself. it's a shame.

    if you ever need to talk you know where to find me.

  6. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I am terribly saddened by your thread. Your story could be mine, as I lost my best friend of 35 years in August in the same manner. I have spoken with his mother and girlfriend dozens of times now in an effort to answer the whys?

    Unfortunately there is nothing any of us can come up with other than it may have been his reluctance to take his meds. But he had done this many times before.

    I can only tell you that I know exactly how you are feeling and although I am not a basket case as I was in the days and weeks following the event, I still run the same questions over and over in my mind every now and again. And there are the triggers of the restaurants at which we'd eaten, movies and books we both liked etc...

    All I can say is that if you want to talk more about this with me, feel free to send me a private message. Take care...my thoughts are with you...