Lost Again

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by tired_baer, Aug 21, 2007.

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  1. tired_baer

    tired_baer Member

    Hi, I'm new here.

    I have always had a moody personality, and have dodged suicide by a hair on a couple occasions. I thought I had finally beaten my demons for good, but they are back.

    My wife and I moved to the east coast from California 8 months ago. It has been a real struggle for me to find work since I am not able to do the same line of work that I had been in before, due to both geographic and health reasons. Basically I have to reinvent myself and learn to do something else.

    Two weeks ago I finally got a job as a sales rep for a home remodeling company. I was thrilled........well at least until today. Today I had to take my state licensing test. Passing was 25 out of 35 questions answered correctly. I got 24 right. The test was bullshit, and had questions on there that were not in the study materials, but that's another story........

    I feel terrible now. I don't even know if I'll have a job to go to tomorrow, since as a new employee I'm on probation. I'm ashamed and humiliated. I let my wife down, and my family. I wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up.
     
  2. Erebos

    Erebos Well-Known Member

    If you don't wake up, you'd let them down even more. Are you supposed to take the test again? You'd only be a breath away from passing if you can retake it. Otherwise, I hope you do find employment soon. We all find ourselves in foreign territory once in a while, whether that's a different job, home, or environment. Though disorienting at first, I think the key is to use your past experiences and apply them in order to adapt to the new surroundings.
     
  3. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Don't be soo hard on yourself. You only missed it by one mark. Can you re-take the test? I'm sure your wife and family are very understanding and won't think any less of you.
     
  4. Mya

    Mya Well-Known Member

    one point...man that sucks...but at least your trying...my parents never tryed... you arnt leting them down...and you will find work (assuming that you cant do a re-take) its ok to be frustrated...but seriously dont doubt your family...they're there for you...
     
  5. gemusan

    gemusan Active Member

    Going to sleep and never waking up is certainly the biggest let down. Everyone suffers set backs in life. If you don't want to let your wife down, go to work and work twice as hard.
     
  6. tired_baer

    tired_baer Member

    Yes sir or ma'am you are correct. I felt sorry for myself for the entire day, but screwed a smile on when I talked to my boss today. I took a few deep breaths and got some perspective today.

    I take my test again on Friday. I wasn't sure that the state would allow me to take my test again so soon, and was afraid I had lost my job. That was what was causing me the most stress. My fear was that it was a one and done situation. However, I feel fortunate that I get a second chance.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 22, 2007
  7. Erebos

    Erebos Well-Known Member

    Go kick ass on Friday.
     
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