Lost again.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by darkplace, Apr 20, 2009.

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  1. darkplace

    darkplace Well-Known Member

    Simply put. My life was on the turn around, i had a job and someone i loved.
    I left the job and move cities for another job and to be closer to the one i love.
    Found out he needs time to think and doesnt know what he wants, so we havent spoken in 2 weeks. I felt unwanted. Unloved. I left all my friends behind.
    I moved back home. Jobless, living with parents and sisters who hate me, with a broken heart, and constant tears of silent screams.

    Im looking for a job, looking to move out as soon as possible.
    But i keep thinking to myself.
    What is life without love? I let one person kill my heart.
    I find it hard to believe that love is returned when all that has happened to me is death after death.
    Im alone.
    I talk to friends but. They will never understand how much of a obsolete person i feel in this world. Im not good at anything so i struggle to get jobs anyway and everything i do falls apart.
    Im going to the doctors to say i need help'' sleeping / something stronger than the average tablet dose. Save them up then one rainy night walk out the door of life.
    Every day that passes i want it less.
    I get weaker, fatter, more broken every time.
    I think by the end of this year i will have had enough.
    The erdge is there everyday.
    Just dont know y i havent done it yet.
    Fucking coward.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You're not a coward. I'm glad that you're still holding on.

    I know trying to find a job is hell right now, because I'm looking for one too. It's frustrating, and it doesn't do much for your self-confidence when you apply and then don't get the job. But you've got to keep trying.

    Have you talked to any of your friends about how you're really feeling? Maybe they can help you to feel better about yourself.

    It would also be worth talking to a doctor or therapist about how you're feeling. Your life is worth fighting for.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Although it feels devastating, everything is situational...your BF does not want to committ to the relationship and you have uprooted yourself to find this out...now is the time to dig deep and set up a plan for YOU...make the steps simple and reachable...best of luck, J
  4. darkplace

    darkplace Well-Known Member

    I talked to the samaritains yesterday. Everytime ive gone there before ive cried. That time i didnt. I thought hey, maybe im a little stronger. But a part of me always pulling that wants to give up. Wants to lie down and leave it all.
    I have talked to a few mates. And moving back home and spending the weekend with some of them really helped me hold on to things.
    I guess once somene takes pity on me and gives me a job ill feel better.#]
    Till then, i wallow in self pity and tears.
    I still hope a little. For now.
    Thanks guys.
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