Lost all energy/motivation, and unable to share joy

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Krem, Feb 12, 2010.

  1. Krem

    Krem Well-Known Member

    The past weeks, I've just been.. blank. Doing anything is too much effort. It's not that I'm physically tired or anything, just.. Bah, it's hard to explain it. Like a great, swirling boulder of 'CBA' on everything. Watching a video? Meh. Try to start up some D&D? Meh. Start a new course in school? Meh. Doing schoolwork well? Meh. It's like.. all motivation/desire/longing to do anything has slithered away.

    On a semi-related note, I was talking with a friend of mine, and a friend of hers. They had a webcam, and we both had microphones. They were having fun, frolicking and general merry-making. And yet, all I felt was.. contempt. Envy. Why was I not sharing in their joy? Why did I not feel even a slight pull of joy hearing them laughing and speaking joyfully in their almost-arcane language? Why did I believe they were mocking me?

    On a second semi-related note, I have two friends at school. We three like each other, I like to bealive. However, recently.. It's like they're closer. And I'm a third wheel. If I arrive to them talking, they'll stop. If one of them comes to them, we'd often just start reading, yet I always catch them talking. I often also experience them ignoring me, although I don't fully believe they are. It's a sort of nightmarish fantasy that I were to catch them.. 'evolving their friendship', even though I can't really say it has anything to do with me. I have claim to neither of them, in any way, and they should be able to do what they wish in these matter, no matter what my say in it is, yes? If anything, I should be happy for them, yes? Why, then, do I feel like I would 'win' in something? Like.. finally having proof for something, then storming off.

    Would love some advice/comment/whatever that's supportive. And since nobody has replied to one of my threads, and few have even read it, even though it has been there for almost a month and a half now. http://www.suicideforum.com/showthread.php?t=74867
  2. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Lol, I was going to read this and then move on and just shut the laptop off without replying cause I can't be arsed with the effort, but then I realised the irony in that given what this thread is about. That isn't to say I feel indifference about your situation, I feel the same as you most recently, but I say that in threads a lot so I'm trying to cut down. Anyway, I get how you feel. It's like there is just no point to channeling your energies into things like school or work or friendships cause at the end of the day, most of the work is in vain and it's just too much effort to do anything. Maybe we're just lazy.

    As for your friends who are ignoring you/might be evolving their friendship, you're right, you can't really do anything about it. If it really bothers you though try talking to them and clearing the air? It's gotta be better than carrying on the way you are at the moment.

    Maybe you just need to find something to look forward to and lift your spirits up? You could try arranging a get together with some friends, or find a gig of one of your favorite bands you could go to. It might make you feel better and like there is something to work towards. I'm not sure.. but I usually start getting motivated when I look forward to things that I have planned for the future. Good luck in anycase, and sorry about the fact I was gunna avoid replying. Most of the time I don't really have anything too helpful to say other than "Yeah I know how you feel" which gets old fast and then people might feel like I'm just changing it around to me. Plus there's the cba thing. Now it feels like I'm making excuses. x_x
  3. Krem

    Krem Well-Known Member

    I don't have any other friends, at least in Iceland, and the bands I listen to are either 'dead', or aren't performing in Iceland.

    And I really doubt they are 'evolving', but it often feels like it.

    And, indeed, one often has typed something up/has an idea to type something up, and then just close the browser. "Meh, CBA."