for the first time in my life I felt loved and appreciated. I'm not the type to sleep around, date multiple people, go from one to the next etc... - that just isnt me. I dont do that - never have and never will. All the things I ever dreamt about was to be with a woman who would appreciate me, and is not shallow or obsessed about posessions or looks but so difficult to find in today's society. im a professional person, work for 2 companies including my own, also involved in the music industry and have won global awards for my work. i also believe in improving yourself for the better especially via constructive criticism as its the only way to be, to become better but also to help others be better and help them reach their potentials and success. This woman whom I fell so much in love with, was a bit older and had her own children but that didnt bother me at all. she fell for me because of my deep thoughts, insightful feelings and because of my good nature, character and because I am just "true", genuine and are very sincere. She has been hurt in the past badly and I just dont understand why people hurt each other, cheat or lie. it makes no sense especially when women get put down or be abused. i actually fight for rights for women to be honest. we were so close with each other, had alot of mutual love and respect for one another, were able to open up about anything, talk about anything and make love on a regular basis. it was never about "getting the job done" or anything, or just being with each other for the hell of it - it was so much more than that, where words could never express the things we had. we were soulmates, she said this and I agreed. I also gave her an eternity ring but was discussed at length to make sure that I wasnt rushing anything but also to see how she would feel as I am always careful but did not want to scare her away or anything. she loved the idea and agreed with it. for us, there never was an awkward silence since day one. litrally, since day one. we just loved each other so much, the touches, the kisses.... you name it. everything was very valuable, certainly to me....she understood things that most people wouldn't or would just look at you and think you are wierd when in reality, it isnt. she actually had a brain and a heart, even though she was ditzy at times.... thats ok I did everything for her. was devoted, committed, dedicated, bailed her out when she was about to face eviction, supported her through tough times with her children but also with her ex husband putting her down over the phone, when things were getting tough elsewhere for her - I made her feel so good, comfortable and "sane". she said this herself. every night before bed, we would just talk about anything and everything. we would just lay comfortably in each others arms. she said to me that she has wondered were I have been all her life, why there arent people like me around. That to me, takes ALOT to say for someone who has been through hell, who has been raped when she was 18, has gone through a divorce and where people have cheated on her and her friends at the time caused her grief. Now where are we? broken up. she has got me in ALOT of trouble with the law and I am being prosecuted for something I did not do and it breaks my heart that this women who I spent alot of time, energy with, who I valued and who I took a risk with has done this to me. it makes no sense. her interferring friends did not help either but only are controlling her and she cant see it. she was doing something which I didnt agree with a few times and my nature is just to walk out, go home, cool down and think about things, put it in perspective and so on then eventually go back, talk and make up. thats how I work. i do not believe in violence or being awkward or playing around. I dont have time for that at all. anyway, the 3rd time she did this and she pinned me down on the bed and wouldnt let me go. eventually she did and we didnt talk for a while but did eventually on cold but mutual terms however it was killing me not seeing her as we were pretty tight. i couldnt sleep or eat because of it. anyway, it was difficult but no idea why I felt guilty for something I didnt do but she was overreacting again for something that I did not do, but she agreed she wouldnt do either and just caused a big fuss. to cut the long story short..... the day before she emailed me to say that she loved me and wants me to come round which I thought was a big step and we would work at things, take things slower and what not. the following day, even though throughout this whole mess I had no confidence or faith, messed up, all over the place and didnt have any security on seeing how things will end up, I tried all I can with the limited comfort she was giving me. and I mean REALLY limited. the following day, she text me saying to delete her number. didnt make any sense. So by email (as I was at work) I was of course naturally angry, frustrated and saddened by the whole messing around so I sent a few negitive emails. Not abusive or threatning but just because I was upset and angry. then we basically have an unfortunate argument via email and she becomes nasty and I say to her look, please can we put this aside, I am a person of peace and to continue to see each other as arranged the previous day. so after work I go straight to hers (she lives 1.5 hours away from me and I travelled ALL the time to her) but on the way there were exchanges of text messages, again of a negitive nature as we were both hurting. got there, eventually saw her in tears as was I and her friend was there too. So this is what happens: She told me to sit in the living room, so I did and her friend sat there too. I tried to talk to her but couldnt get through so thought I would leave. Then she stops me, I sit back down and try to talk to her. This time I try touching her on the arm to establish an emotional connection and for some understanding but still nothing. So I try to leave again, very upset and she stops me again. I sit down tried to talk with her friend whilst she answers the door and its another friend of hers and they make out as if they have an evening planned. so I thought I would leave, maybe come back a later date and talk properly and privately but just before I asked if I can speak to her in the kitchen alone, she agreed. So I was in tears, upset and asked what the hell was going on, why she is like this, that everything I have done is a waste? She says not but cannot handle the way I am. I stop and asked what she means by it as she never said this before, but I have frequently asked throughout the relationship if things are ok for her, if its going well and if there is anything I can do to make it better but she always gave me positive responses. she doesnt explain anything at this point but is upset as am I. Can't talk to her, cannot get through her and im just in a wreck. hurting ...and this is the woman I love and wanted to spend the rest of my life with. All I did was held my arms out to indicate a hug. We were both emotional due to time of uncertaintly in the relationship (as she had really messed things up and overreacted due to her actions), she agreed, I embraced her by the arms gently to look into her, and gave her a simple peck on the cheek. At this point, she told me to "get off" a couple of times, to which I did but was in complete and utter shock and at this point, one of her friends walked in and acted as if nothing happened at all and everyone is "happy" I just stand there in complete shock wondering whats going on. The friend leaves AFTER pouring some wine for everyone and I just look at her just in disbelief and just saying that I do wonder why she has had a bad past - because of maybe these actions and behaviours. I then put my hand out to give a farewell handshake to which she shakes and I then leave. And then I get arrested at the train station. NEVER EVER have I been involved with the law of any kind and I am a man of good clean character. I have a strong upbringing, cultured upbringing also. Complete shock. and all this is now being taken to court for 2 counts of assault. Just before xmas, she got me arrested for breaching a bail condition, for something I didn't do (she claimed I tried to send messages on MSN! How stupid is that? I dont even have her) and well, she told lies there. Thankfully after the hearing the following day, they let me go thanks to my barrister. I am so alone, scared, lonely. Just cannot sleep as I have nightmares and everything I have done for her.... and the conversations we have had, the closeness, all gone and she is probably happy, laughing away with her friends and goodness knows, with someone else. this time last year, we were cuddling up in bed, and keeping each other warm due to the weather. And now....judgement day countdown. I am so sad. I have just lost "me". I am broken inside. Everyone says that something is wrong with me as I am not the happy, confident and professional person I was. I can just hear the verdict being "guilty". for something I did not do. Very sorry for babbling. very sorry.