Lost all motivation

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SerenityNow, Jun 27, 2016.

  1. SerenityNow

    SerenityNow Member

    I'd never thought I'd say this but I no longer see much of a point in living on. My life is just a mess and I can't remember the last time I felt happy or at ease with things. Every day for over 15 years has more or less been a struggle and I guess everyone eventually reaches a point where it gets overwhelming.

    I realize that killing myself would in a way be a waste. I'm not stupid or lazy and could probably have had a nice career under different circumstances. I have at least a few talents and I know I made a positive difference in some peoples lives. But what does it all matter when nothing goes my way? When no one will hire me because of gaps and inexperience and when no one wants to be with me leaving me with the loneliness eating away at me. When I'm messed up on the inside and see no way to get myself out of this and feel no motivation to keep on trying. When what I for the most part feel is rejected and unwanted by society.

    At this point it's just nice to know that the possibility of ending things is there since I never really considered it before. For now I'm thinking I might pick up drinking and other things that it seems the rules forbids me from discussing here in order to numb the pain temporarily. I'm so tired of trying or pretending like things are okay when they are not.
     
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    I am sorry that you are feeling so frustrated. Instead of drinking what about talking about your feelings.

    What about volunteering to build some experience?
     
  3. SerenityNow

    SerenityNow Member

    I'm not sure to what end. All I know is that I feel disappointed, sad, frustrated and let down by this world.
    I could volunteer but even when I offered to do it they didn't want me. Thanks for replying though.
     
  4. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. I appreciate the rejection you feel is hard but you have to find the strength to continue to live. Helping others is rewarding in itself as it initially starts with self-respect. I know you see there is no future but you have to find determination to do something. Please seek medical help and group therapy as you feeling low aniexty and stuck in the vicious circle of PSTD.

    Keep posting here but let me reassure the aniexty does easier but about having the determination in working at. I felt like you two and half years ago but I'm still here.

    Take care and most important be safe.
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello and welcome to the forum, thank you for respecting the forums rules, that is appreciated by all of us here. I hope you don't do anything silly. I have volunteered in the past in 3 different places, one was full time 9-5 for about 8 months, i worked hard and i felt good for making a difference is someone else's life. Have you thought about going back to study something, or increasing your talents of your hobbies? We care what you are going through so please don't feel like you are ever alone in this. I wish you all the best and hope you find peace in living :)
     
  6. SerenityNow

    SerenityNow Member

    I've been trying to hold on to something I find very dear here in life but I just don't have the energy to engage in it much these days.
    Medical help is something that I have, perhaps more therapy would be good though.
    Thanks for replying to me.

    I understand the purpose of the rules but they seem to limit the possibility to express oneself very much in terms of these subjects. Is it the same rules that apply if I was to open a personal diary in the diary section? Studying right now is not an option for a couple of reasons, I need to find a job but feel so humiliated that I'm not even trusted with the most menial of jobs, that I'm sick of trying. Thanks for your kind answer.
     
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Yes the same rules apply to the whole forum and chat room. The chat room is on the bottom right hand corner of the forum if you want to talk in real time.

    There's no reason to feel humiliated. A job is a job, it's a start and a start is a start. I am on disability and only doing 16 hours of rehabilitative work (actually doing more hours by choice) of cleaning and making food. I enjoy making food, it doesn't feel so dreary. Do not feel humiliated hun, you have to learn to walk before you can run.

    You are very welcome and please feel to PM me anytime x
     
  8. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Please stay strong as YOU are important. Never doubt that as we really care about YOU.
     
  9. SerenityNow

    SerenityNow Member

    Yes but you are on disability and doing rehabilitative work. I could work a 100% right now if someone would just hire me. What else but humiliated am I to feel when I have brains, a decent education and good social skills and yet I'm not even considered to work in a store with unpacking things and answering simple questions from customers. I know it's nothing personal towards me since this is the way things are in my country and it's much harder even to get a job like that whereas in other parts of the world pretty much anyone could walk in and land such a job. It doesn't make it any less degrading though.

    Thanks, that's nice of you.
     
  10. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Will it be your first job? Keep applying. You will get something eventually.