I have been through so much trauma in the past several years and when I have sought help that is where I was further traumatized. I suffer from major depression and swore that after my last hospitalization that if I felt like killing myself that I would just do it. I feel like doing it and feel like I have no one to turn to. I am so down in despair, so sad, it is hard for me to keep going. I cry at the drop of a dime. I just keep thinking about how I will kill myself and how I will make it work. I day dream about it but am stopped because I want to be far away from home when I do it and I don't have the money to rent a hotel room right now.