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Lost and confused (may be a triggering subject)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Landlocked blues, Feb 22, 2010.

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  1. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    Im new to this forum stuff so dont really know how to start but basically i just need to be heard. i feel i can scream at the top of my voice and still no one hears me. i overdosed today and its literally did kill me inside when i awoke from my blackout to find i was still here. i should have a lot to be happy about but for the last 6-7 months, all i have thought about is how i can get out easily and try my best not to hurt the ones i love. i have been on meds for depression for about 12 years and they have never really worked, although when i dont take them i feel even worse and that would most likely result in another suicide attempt. if anyone out there can relate, please get in touch, it would be nice to hear some opinions on this messed up nightmare i call my life.
  2. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum, Sam. I hope you find what you're looking for and get some help and support. :hug:
  3. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    hey sam

    would've said hi sooner but i've been a little "self-involved" of late

    you are in the right place, you will be heard

    we'll even listen

    been trying with and without meds for 35 years so i may be able to offer something
  4. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    thank you. i just feel so alone. i dont know what to do anymore. living is killing me more than dying would.
  5. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    i can relate to that feeling...I'm sorry you have to go through that as I know its hella painful...

    I have to say that meds aren't miracle pills...mine aren't the greatest but I know if I stop them I would be in worse shape...my anxiety hurts me physically if I dont take them and I torture myself constantly...but sadly it doesnt make you want to live again...or see a point to it either...I wish it would...oh I wish it would...

    normally I'm a better listener and comforting person but today isnt my day...sorry about that...but you are in my thoughts
  6. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    you are in my thoughts too LIMOW. i too am a better listener but also today is not my day either so im sorry too. big big big :hug:
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi hun, welcome :hug: sorry youre feeling so lonely :( come into chat and talk to us! :hug:
  8. Shattered Soldier

    Shattered Soldier Well-Known Member

    I've been on antidepressants, mood stabilizers, and those increasingly popular anti psychotics for bipolar depression for the past 15 years. It seems that whenever I try a new medication to make myself better I only experience the side effects of that medication but still see no point in wanting to live my life again. For me, it just seems that there is no way out, that I'm trapped here in life, and that no matter what I do this suffering will always follow me. I have been thinking alot about taking my own life in the same manner as yours and my biggest fear in the world is exactly what happened to you, waking up in my own bed as if I hadn't really done anything at all. I've resolved myself lately to quit thinking that suicide is an option because I really do feel that I am stuck here on earth, happy or unhappy, until it is time for me to go. I know what it feels like when it appears all hope has been lost, as many of us here do and I have yet to find an answer for my problem with life itself. It just seems as if more and more people now are reaching the end of the line, where there really isn't much left to think about but what lies on the other side. I don't know what's happening or what's making the world like this, but I'm glad that I'm not the only one. Please hang in there and keep posting, it helps.
  9. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    Thank you SS. its nice to know im not alone in feeling like this. :hug:
  10. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    Welcome, hope you connect with someone and take your time :)
  11. charmane

    charmane Well-Known Member


    I just wanted to add my support to the other voices here on this forum. I am here trying to understand, cope and possibly help my 23 year old son who attempted last October. Yoiu said you shouild have a lot to be happy about - but you still want to hurt yourself, no will to live. He wouild not say that he has anything to be happy about but anyone around him thinks he's been spoiled rotten. He's from a happy family where he wanted for nothing. He's always had love and attention, and more stuff than he can use. People in the family have been very generous to him - he's gotten free cars, free cell phone, even a college trust fund that he squandered long before he's finished with school.

    Sam, you say you've been on meds for over 12 years. My son has tried on and off for a couple of years but he has never really sustained it for very long. He would much rather drink a fifth or "smoke a blunt" than take the "poison" prescription drug. He told me they don't do a thing for him. He hates seeing the psychiatrist as well. We told him he has to in order to live with us. I am so terrified he is going to attempt again. But, he really hates us for making him go to this doctor. He says the doctor and the meds are making everything worse. I am wondering if you feel the same way. Has there been any drug or any therapy that has helped you -even a little- along the way?

    His father, siblings and I are all struggling mightily with this situation. I never know what to say, what to do in regards to my own child anymore. I'm betting the people in your life feel the same. I do know that if left on his own, with no input from us, he will just lie in bed all day and go to the bar at night. Yet, I can tell he hates himself for this. His friends are all graduating, starting careers and some are getting married. He is alone now, up in his room, mostly drunk. I don't think for one moment he is happy this way - he just has lost the will to try and he thinks it can't be turned around. There is only his pain and sadness now.

    I don't know if your situation is like this. I am very interested to hear what you have to say about the medications and the therapy. He wants to stop going and stop taking the meds. I am afraid what will happen then. Last fall, he was drinking fifths and popping Xanax when he attempted. I know the mixture is dangerous and I don't want him drinking and taking meds.

    Sam, I'll bet like him you are highly intelligent. He tested with very high IQ and he could be anything he wanted to be. I don't know why he feels that all is lost at only 23. Yes, he's lost some time. He dropped out of college twice already but he has all the support in the world to go back and try again. He has three semesters left but because his friends are all finishing- he thinks his ship has sailed. I don't know if this story helps you at all - but I'm sure you have someone like me in your life that is hurting, scared and confused as well. Keep posting- I think I could learn from your situation and maybe you could learn from mine.

  12. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    Hi Dyanne thank you for your message. it is nice to now the other side of things too. my family never want to tell me how upset they are with my situation. they are very very supportive but i guess they just dont want to upset me. im so sorry to hear your son feels this bad. it really is aweful feeling like this but also from my point of view, i have felt like this almost foras long as i can remember so feeling any different is almost too uncomfortble and makes me nervous so i quite often purposly find something to feel angry/stressed/negitive about. it sounds stupid and im not sure whether your son will agree but this is something i dont tell my family so maybe hes doing the same? the meds i am on are citalopram and i must say, as much as i hate taking pills(i have to force fed them!) they do help unless of course im feeling exceptionally bad. i resently got taken to A and E for an overdose and that resulted in me getting a home treatment team visit me at my home everyday. i feel this is helping as it is a new system and if it wasnt for this new system i would be put in a hospital. I live in the UK so i dont know if this is a UK thing but maybe google it in your area? as for the drinking im afraid i am the same. i dont realy know how to help with this as it feels like you are away from reality at the time of being drunk and then once sober im ready to do it all again. Although if he is maybe smoking canabis too this will most definitly make it worse. my best friend died from drug induced psychosis 5 years ago (he hung himself while smoking canabis one day after his mum left the house just for ten minutes to get his prescription) and it was mostly down to canabis so please i urge you to find out how, if he is smoking, what he experiences while smoking. everyone is different of course so it may not be making him anything but calm and sleep. in which case it obviously isnt good for him but its not too much to worry about. alot of what you say about your son sounds so familiar to be and my best friend so i suppose i can relate. if on the other hand he is hallucinating and violent, hearing voices, self harming(only when smoking) then you need to get him seen. whether he likes it or not. maybe ask him if he wants to talk to me? we sound like we have alot in common and i also wouldnt mind someone who understands.
    I really hope i can help you and especialy your son. my heart really aches for both of you.
    i hope i hear from you or your son soon :hug:
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