Lost and Confused

[Priestpel]

i see the main point in life is the ppl around me and one special person to share everything with...
ive never found some1 tht will suffer me long enough to be with me and to love eachother unfortunately.
just yesterday some1 i thought cared for me the same way i cared for them said they were seeing their best friend... the way i am drove her away and i wanna change, but afraid i cant...
i feel altho im failing at wot i think life is and death just seems to b such an easy way out
i get suicidal thoughts every day. i think of elaborate ways in which i culd die and i cant stop doing it...
i want to change but i dont know how to change or wot to change into. i need some1s help but im afraid to ask ne1 i know cause ive burdened them enough already...
can some1 give me some advice...

 

[Petal]

Hi, Priestpel, Welcome to the forum :hug:

You sound depressed with no one to turn to:sad:, you have definitely come to the right place. i can definitely relate to what you said about suicide being the easy way out, i have been feeling that way for ages, but this site has helped me to realise there is always nice people that are willing to help you and make you feel better when you need it. What has brought this on hun? Is there anything in particular making you feel this way? :hug:

 

[Priestpel]

ive always felt rather down and disagree with who i am. i dont feel like much of a success or some1 tht ppl can look to.
it seems nature for me to hate myself, ive always done it and looked down on myself...
i always felt tht everything wuld b better if i culd find some1 to share life with, thts my aim in life. but i cant even find some1 tht likes me more than a friend... im the nice guy thts every gurls friend but cant b nething more
but when the gurl i was waiting for turned around and said she loves her best friend instead of me, all the depressing feelings and loneliness came back...
im not a social person so i dont meet ne ppl, and every1 i know now wuld only ever see me as a friend.
i feel stuck and unable to progress

 

[Petal]

wow, you said exactly how i feel, i am not a social person at all either so therefore don't meet anyone too:sad: you sound like a lovely person, i would really like to get to know you better :hug: im in the same position , stuck in a rut, a vicious cycle of hating myself and wanting to die, to be honest i dont really have any advice to give you because i feel the same way, feel free to pm me if you want to talk :hug: lynn

 

[forlorn]

i concur

 

[Priestpel]

i dunno how to keep going on or why to...
since im stuck in this circle of friendship and cant progress
its really upsettin that i dont see a future that involves another person
thats wot matters to me the most and i cant get it

 

[Anime-Zodiac]

I can see why you want to change yourself. You sound genuine and therefore you shouldn't change yourself. One day someone will appreciate and see you for who you are.

 

[Priestpel]

the whole problem is ppl see me, the real me...
and it scares them away or they dislike me for it
i want to change who i am, i wanna get better and be stronger
i wanna be as close to perfection as i can get...

im not good enough to b apprechiated the way i am now..
ppl shuld continue to hate wot i am and probably shun me cause of it
im not worth the time of day it takes to look after me
i HAVE to change...

 

[Priestpel]

now she doesnt even want to know me...
she just sent me a msg saying dont concider me a friend, cause i dont concider u one.
this happens everytime...
it hurts everytime this happens and it seems unavoidable
i need to change FAST!
im gonna lose everything is this keeps up, im startin to break down
my emotions are everywhere and im starting to lose feeling in everything i do...

 

[Anime-Zodiac]

If you want to change then that's your choice. You've been unlucky from the sounds of things in that you haven't met genuine people. A true friend and someone who is genuine would appreciate you for who you are.

Changing yourself so to be accepted by others sounds and is a noble effort but in the long run, you may realize that it's not worth it and that being yourself is a whole lot better.

 

[Priestpel]

i dont know if changing is wot will help me, or if its wot i truely want or if it will make me happy
but i dunno wot else to do
having some1 to dedicate my feelings and time to is wot keeping me sane and makes me happy
but i have no1 tht i can do tht with
im not social and all i have is friends, most of which wuldnt understand how i feel or why i do wot i do
my life is great compared to some ppls lives, but for some reason im not happy
my mind just picks out ways i culd die or kill myself and i have no control over it
i culdnt find some1 tht will apprechiated me for who i am and love me
im just a friend to every1

 

[Anime-Zodiac]

Some of the best relationships first start of as friendships. So don't get too down about girls wanting you as a friend. It can always develop into something more.

I'm sure there are women out there who would see you as more then a friend and who would be attracted to you in that way. Keep going and don't give up, you'll find your lady.

 

[Priestpel]

argh, the past 24 hours have been terrible...

went out drinkin last nite and met a great girl and made out with her etc..
i thought life was startin to look up
but on the bus journey home she mentions shes seeing some1 and im just heart struck...
ive lost agen! i cant get a break

ontop of tht, my dad laid into me today about being a waste of space and just causing the family hassle and not being grateful...
hes never screamed straight at my face b4...
im ashamed of myself and ive been avoidin my own home and family all day
i feel so uncomfortable in my own home...
i just wanna leave, i cant take this lonely feeling...