Lost and desperate.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by FrainBart, May 27, 2012.

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  1. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    So once again I am sat at the window, looking at a life I wish I had. I feel miserable, I feel hopeless, and my plan is looking ever clearer. I have been feeling so low when the happiness wears off, I cant depend on others making me happy. I need to be happy for myself. I feel so alone, even with my daughter around. My bf is not assissting matters and is just dragging me down.

    I cant really all that explain why I am feeling like my plan is a valid option to take, I have what I need, minus the guts to actually do it. I want to be the happy person, that laughs and has fun. I want to be smiling more than crying. I want to feel something. I want to feel loved, I want to be able to love. Iam broken. I try so hard to be what everyone needs me to be. But I have never been what I want to be. I have never done what I want to do, and I will never be able to do it.

    I sound so selfish. Isound so self centred. But I feel so forgotten, and lost. I want to be comforted when I wake up in tears during the night, not ignored and forgotten. I wantto feel like I have someone I can talk to, but with him around, I have no one, I cant even talk to friends without his constant interrogation... "who are you talking to, what are you talking about, why are you smiling, why are you laughing" I see no end in sight. I am feeling so trapped with him, and so alone. I want to leave him, but part of me is terrified of the consequences of it. Each time I think of it, the plan just gets closer and closer.

    Tonight I am scared, and I dont know why. and all I can think about is how many boxes of this and that, and if it will be enough. SH isnt causing even the slightest relief from any of it. I feel like calling upon desperate measures, because that is all Iam good at.
     
  2. Kharma

    Kharma Well-Known Member

    Call around and find a womens emergency shelter. Tell them your situation (daughter, your thoughts of ending it to escape, fears of violence if you leave, etc.) and ask for help getting out of the relationship. They will send people to stop any violence and help you leave the situation. Once at the shelter, you will get the breath you need to figure out the things you need to figure out.

    And you'll get help to do it as well.
     
  3. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    there is no threat of violence. he is manipulative, but would never lay a finger on my daughter or myself.
     
  4. Kharma

    Kharma Well-Known Member

    Mis-interpretted that, sorry.

    But even so, when or if you decide it's time to leave, a women's shelter would pro'ly help.
     
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