Lost And Need Help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by CidMcTab, May 2, 2009.

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  1. CidMcTab

    CidMcTab New Member

    I see these threads don't get a whole lot of responses. I can understand that. I'm sure you long timers have seen just about everything that is out there. But, maybe, I can find some new friends. Maybe someone that can help me one more day.

    Here's how it is....I have a vomiting disorder that I've been suffering from for about six years. I've had every test in the world done and the doctors can't figure out what's wrong with me. I've suffered through this with the thought that maybe one day, some magical doctor would come up with some miracle solution that no one else thought of. But, no one has. Without insurance, my doctor bills are well over $20,000. I'm so sick I can't work more than about 12 hours a week. Nothing is more terrible than ringing up a customer at work, and having that horrible vomit feeling rising in your throat and having to sprint to the bathroom so you don't make a mess of the store.

    On top of all that...my best friend...my savior...my roommate of almost 10 years has been basically taking care of me. He's such a good guy. I can't fault him for this at all. But, he asked me to move out. He's tired of taking care of me. I don't blame him. He was a saint to help me as long as he did.

    Now that I'm 27, none of my friends want roommates anymore. And even if they did, I wouldn't be able to pay what I'd need to to live there. I'm going to be homeless. If I'm homeless, I can't make it to work, then I won't be able to afford my medication. It is just a giant snowball.

    Sorry, I know I'm making a wall of text. I just need to vent I guess. Please bare with me.

    Now, since all this is happening, I'm getting the feeling that it might be time to just end it. I fought for a long time to get well. I want to have a regular life again. But, I'm just too sick to. I've started thinking that maybe I should just give up. I don't want to hurt my family and friends, but I think it gets to the point of being tortured so long, maybe you have the right to be selfish. I'm sure you will all disagree with me on that. But, those are the thoughts in my head.

    Sorry to write a novel. Hope to hear from you all soon.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello Cid,

    Welcome to the forums.

    I'm so sorry to hear you are suffering so much.
    What country are you in if you don't mind me asking? Have you been seen by specialists too?

    I'm glad you've had a friend to help you through this. I hope you will find the support you need here. x
  3. CidMcTab

    CidMcTab New Member

    Hi. Sorry I forgot to do my whole profile thing. I am American. West coast. And yes, I've seen 5 different gastroenterologists to no avail. Those were the expensive ones that racked up so much debt.
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Vent as much as you need to. It's okay. And if you ever want to talk, you can PM me anytime.
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