I am increasingly becoming more and more suicidal everyday and simply seeking help. I am a two time suicide survivor, I tried to kill myself when I was an adolescent ages 14 and 15. I feel like my life is shit, although I am married, educated and currently working on my MA, I still feel incomplete. My husband and I been together for 9 yrs and married for 2 in Aug' 12. I have several problems in my life that has triggered this urge in me to kill myself, and it seems to get stronger and stronger. I hate myself tremendous I have gotten fat, I am depressed, my hair fell out, and I do not know what to do or where to turn. I am scared. My family is dysfunctional beyond any form of dysfunction I have ever seen, I they still affect me because I am an adult and they still fuck with me negatively...and I am tired of them. They hate me even more that they think I am successful and I am NOT I can't even find a job due to lack of experience in the field. My husband wants children and we are not sure if I can conceive, I have been diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovaries. I have never been pregnant before, currently have no insurance. He has cheated before and one of my biggest fears is that he will return to that behavior if a doctor say I cannot have children. I have a list of shit going on that has me at this point...and my soul is tired. I am tired of struggling for everything I have or get, even when we work so hard. I believed educating myself would assist in me having a better life, especially financially. I have a associates in health administration, a bachelors in human service, a certificate in Applied Forensic Specialization and working towards my MA in Forensic Psychology: Applied Forensic Services. By the time I graduate I will have accumulated 120,000 in students loans and possibly no job. My school is not any help because I am a online student, but I am in the same state in which my school is. It seems as though all my efforts are never good enough. Sometimes I believe I will never have success and will always struggle. I just done, I have been thinking of ways that I can kill myself without much pain, although I have come up with a few and I am not sure if it will actually work. This thing we call LIFE is very SHITTY. Sometimes I think how can I be a future helping professional and a psychology major, and be fucked up mentally myself. But I guess life can have anyone fucked up.