Lost best friend Anna, that was a member on here

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Kelly, Aug 22, 2007.

  1. Kelly

    Kelly Member

    I came home from work on 8-10 and found Anna, she was pretty much gone then. But they kept her on life support until 8-14. Her family chose to let her go and after 11 minutes she was gone completely. I am so pissed. Why did she leave me to find her? I cant handle being in this house and her dog has been sick almost everyday. She keeps waiting for her to come back. I am just so hurt and angry. How could she be so selfish? I guess Im at the anger part now, although the shock has not worn off one bit. To anyone thinking of doing this PLEASE DONT. You may be out of your pain but the pain for those of us left will never go away. Please just think before you make that final decision. I know so many people are in extreme emotional, physical and mental pain and there seems to be no other way out. Please just think before you do anything drastic.This will haunt me for the the rest of my life.
    Thank you for letting me get this out. I know there is a very long road ahead.
    Her family is devastated, we all are. All I can say is try to remain strong and fight.
    Best to everyone suffering, I will pray that things get better for you all.
  2. bella muerte

    bella muerte Well-Known Member

    kelly :hug:
    my best friend Megan died- in my arms... i know how hard it is to have lost someone so close :hug:
    what was Anna's username ?
  3. Kelly

    Kelly Member

    Her username was Anna, that was her real name. Ironically her name was Anna Nicole.
  4. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    Hey Kelly,

    I know..I hope you are able to move on too, I can't imagine seeing someone you care so much died just like that. I myself am trying to hold on now but in a way I am slipping away. I guess Anna believes she didn't have a choice anymore or something like that. But I wish I had known her better. I will miss her.
  5. Kelly

    Kelly Member

    Thank you expressive child. Its been very hard and I feel as though I let her down. She was never the same since her mom died, just kept getting more and more depressed and wanted to go be with her. I hope they are together now. Please hold on, talk to me if you need to. All I feel right now is that if I can help even one person not do what Anna did, then she will have not died in vain. Please take care, pm me if you would like.
  6. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni


    I am so sorry for your loss and what you are going through. I didn't know Anna really but it saddens me to know she really is gone, I wish I could have done something for her, i'm sorry I couldn't have stopped her for you dear. What you have said has touched me. I'm sitting right here struggling my very best trying to hang onto live, what you've said has made me think about the consequences that my boyfriend would have to suffer, I think he's the only one who would even care to be honest but it's making me think, I will continue to struggle and see how much longer I can last. I hope that thing will look up and I pray that Anna is in peace right now. Hang in there dear, if you ever need to talk feel free to PM me or add me to MSN anytime.

    With love,
    Carolyn. :hug:
  7. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    I wish there was something i could say to you that would help ease the pain but i just dont know what i can say..

    in a way i feel like anna felt.. we pm each other a lot and she was going to come visit me but i went camping and tried to take my own life but never got the chance to do that .. i somewhat feel like if i had stayed then maybe she would have still been here..

    i lost my mom when i was 15 , and i have never gotten over that.. i was getting better though cause i had found 2 people who were like a mom and dad to me and they even shared my moms B-day and my dads B-day , truly amazing that was and i think somewhere along the lines God put it that way.. but something stupid happened that was not my fault , well in a way it was cause i did let someone else have use of my computer , but anyhow it happened and they up and left me like everyone in my life has done to me..

    they come into my life but they dont stay.. i had the highest form of respect , love , and care for this couple.. they really meant a lot to me and to send them B-day gifts and gifts for mothers day was in a way like keeping my mom alive and with me , but i have soon realized that no one stays.. no one loves me enough to stay with me..

    i am already dying of cancer but i am already dead inside my heart cause it has broken.. it litterly has broken.. i know that you probably dont understand but i believe it is the best thing for me is to just do it and i plan and will do it cause i have lost everything and everyone that has ever cared for me..

    i liked anna i really did and i feel it is my fault cause i wasnt here for her..

    im sorry , im so sorry that i was not here for your friend..
  8. Kelly

    Kelly Member

    I am sorry for your loss. It has been extremely hard, I am seriously thinking of selling my house and moving back to California. Had to have a cleaning company come out and have the carpet replaced. Even though there are no signs of what happened, there is not a good feeling in this house. I feel as though Anna is still here and for some reason I feel she is not at peace. This is a nightmare and I dont know how long I can deal with this. I cant help but be so pissed off, and yet at the same time I feel guilty. Why couldnt I of helped her? There was so many things I didnt know. Only reading her posts on here made me realize how much she wanted to die.

    Again I am sorry you lost your friend. Please dont feel guilty. It was not your fault. But I do completely understand how you feel. Please dont hurt yourself. If you ever want to talk Im here for you. Take care dear:hug:
  9. Kelly

    Kelly Member

    Thank you Carolyn. Dont be sorry, she was bound and determined to go. I have found letters she wrote 3 years ago saying her goodbyes to family and friends.She kept so much hidden from everyone. I pray that things get better for you. I dont know you or anyone on here, but I do know that you and everyone else is special and deserves to be happy. I hope you feel better and that you get all the happiness in your life that you deserve. Thank you again and please keep fighting.:hug: Kelly
  10. Kelly

    Kelly Member

    Hi White Dove,
    Thank you and I am sorry to hear about you having cancer. I dont want you to feel one bit to blame for what Anna did. It was not your fault, it was no ones fault. Anna chose to do this and Anna always did what she wanted. No one could ever talk her out of doing something. If she made up her mind to do something it was done. She was strong in that sense. I only wish she was strong enough to fight her depression. But she loved her mother sooo much and missed her terribly. i think Anna died in a big way when her mom died. When I found her she had a picture of her and her mom together and had wrote on the back ' mom Im coming home to you'. Im sorry I really have to go. Crying to much and cant really type. Just wanted to tell you thank you for being her friend and to please dont feel bad in any way. I will pray for you and hope you find strength and peace. :hug: Kelly
  11. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Poor Anna this has struck me so hard I chatted to Anna several times via PM I can't believe this I really can't.:sad::sad::sad::sad:
  12. silent_enigma

    silent_enigma Well-Known Member

  13. RRRED

    RRRED Guest

    When did her mom die and how old was Anna?? I'm sooooo sorry you had to find her like that. This is gonna be a rough ride for you. The strength you gain longterm for the agony, anger, sadness, and shock you feel right now WILL make you look at the world in an entirely different way.

    My only suggestion is to take a quiet moment to yourself... light a candle.... pour a glass of wine or anything that makes you comfy. Close your eyes, let yourself cry, let yourself be mad at her, but then try your best to forgive her for the hurt she left in the dust behind her. She needs that from you. Say it out loud. You might notice a change in the feeling of your house. It might set her free if she isn't already getting the love and help in heaven that couldn't help her here. I'm very sure she knows now what a mistake that was.

    I know exactly how she felt and how eager she mustve been to just go "home" to be with her mother. I can't wait till I die. I'm not going to put my family through what I've been through though. But I can say one thing. I'm not scared to die. I can't wait. There's a hole in my heart that feels as if it's been chewed on and half stiched up. Constant pain every moment.

    RIP Anna, though I don't know you, I understand.