So i am new to posting on this webpage but I have decided to due to such devastating events in my life... I am very depressed due to all types of family issues and on top of it i just lost the love of my life. (granted i am 18, i understand i am young) He was my guardian angel i swear to god, he has been the only person i have ever met who has honestly made me feel as if i am worthy of attention,affection and love.. he never left when things got rough and when he did it was unexpected and he left me with no reason as to why.. i tried to have him tell me what happened, (we were together for 2 1/2 years with no prior breakups) all he could say to me was "he just can't do this relationship rite now" my heart honestly has been broken before , he was not my first love, but my first sexual partner and we shared something so special.. his family was my family because i have no support, or help. I considered his family my family, i finally belonged to something, and that's never happened to me before... Although it wasn't perfect my depression was severe and i refused to get help for it or even attend counseling which he always wanted me to attend..' i feel foolish for not listening, but he had told me he no longer loves me, he doesn't know what happened or how, or if it will ever come back.. but since i had no help he brought me to work still for 3 more days until i figured it out and i believe he wasn't telling the truth. I KNOW when he's telling the honest truth and the look in his eyes(he was crying for no reason) every time he brought me to work.. and he told me he loved me and i was upset because it all didn't make since and at that time i got out of the car, thanked him and didn't talk to him.. he has not contacted me.. it'll be two months on the 9th of this month... hes probably talked to me 3 times, 2 times vague, and the previous time he asked about myself and my car i bought (my first car) i saved so long and paid everything cash all by myself!! i wouldn't have been able to do it without his support, but i wish i could of shared the experience with him because he really was the only person helping me.. i ended the conversation being funny and nice.. so i'm happy there's no resentment... he told someone else the reason he broke up with me is because i'm depressed and i have to figure things out on my own.. and i agree but wish i could of heard that instead of i don't love you....... because the words replay in my head a million times a day.. i'm not desperate, i don't bother him and since we broke up i haven't guilt tripped him, or anything, i have given him nothing but space and i am glad to see he knows he can text me.. i'm not sure what he's thinking.. since we have broken up i've ran into him 3 times.. once at a gas station where people pumped it for you.. and he pulled in directly facing me smiling we were so flustered, we both didn't talk yet smiled and both became bashful.. it was honestly adorable yet so uncomfortable because i was caught of guard and felt the need to puke from the overwhelmingness.. if that's a word...lol... anyways the other two times it was going into parking lots.. i just miss him but i'm nervous to see him ever again..... i get butterfly's and feel like i'm 3 years old again.. plus i'm worried he will think i look terrible, my friends aka 2... tell me im not to thin but since we broke up i've lost 15-20 pounds.. i'm 5'1 and now i weigh 95 pounds.. i like it though but i'm insecure now to see him cause it is noticeable.. but i want to have him in my future as my lover, i can not be his friend.. but when i see us together in the future i picture myself a new me, i've started therapy i'm honestly trying to get better, i have my dark abyss days.. but now i'm being evaluated for anti depressants.. im well established and i'm hoping to get a second job because i gave up my scholarships for school this fall... because i want to go when i'm more ready and mentally stable... if anyone has any advice please feel free, am i doing the rite thing? is there still hope for us? hes honestly my soul mate... i've seen worse relationships and they've gotten back together... is it sad he left because i'm depressed? shouldn't he have stayed?