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lost depressed soul

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by dzda52511, Sep 5, 2013.

  1. dzda52511

    dzda52511 Member

    So i am new to posting on this webpage but I have decided to due to such devastating events in my life... I am very depressed due to all types of family issues and on top of it i just lost the love of my life. (granted i am 18, i understand i am young) He was my guardian angel i swear to god, he has been the only person i have ever met who has honestly made me feel as if i am worthy of attention,affection and love.. he never left when things got rough and when he did it was unexpected and he left me with no reason as to why.. i tried to have him tell me what happened, (we were together for 2 1/2 years with no prior breakups) all he could say to me was "he just can't do this relationship rite now" my heart honestly has been broken before , he was not my first love, but my first sexual partner and we shared something so special.. his family was my family because i have no support, or help. I considered his family my family, i finally belonged to something, and that's never happened to me before... Although it wasn't perfect my depression was severe and i refused to get help for it or even attend counseling which he always wanted me to attend..' i feel foolish for not listening, but he had told me he no longer loves me, he doesn't know what happened or how, or if it will ever come back.. but since i had no help he brought me to work still for 3 more days until i figured it out and i believe he wasn't telling the truth. I KNOW when he's telling the honest truth and the look in his eyes(he was crying for no reason) every time he brought me to work.. and he told me he loved me and i was upset because it all didn't make since and at that time i got out of the car, thanked him and didn't talk to him.. he has not contacted me.. it'll be two months on the 9th of this month... hes probably talked to me 3 times, 2 times vague, and the previous time he asked about myself and my car i bought (my first car) i saved so long and paid everything cash all by myself!! i wouldn't have been able to do it without his support, but i wish i could of shared the experience with him because he really was the only person helping me.. i ended the conversation being funny and nice.. so i'm happy there's no resentment... he told someone else the reason he broke up with me is because i'm depressed and i have to figure things out on my own.. and i agree but wish i could of heard that instead of i don't love you....... because the words replay in my head a million times a day.. i'm not desperate, i don't bother him and since we broke up i haven't guilt tripped him, or anything, i have given him nothing but space and i am glad to see he knows he can text me.. i'm not sure what he's thinking.. since we have broken up i've ran into him 3 times.. once at a gas station where people pumped it for you.. and he pulled in directly facing me smiling we were so flustered, we both didn't talk yet smiled and both became bashful.. it was honestly adorable yet so uncomfortable because i was caught of guard and felt the need to puke from the overwhelmingness.. if that's a word...lol... anyways the other two times it was going into parking lots.. i just miss him but i'm nervous to see him ever again..... i get butterfly's and feel like i'm 3 years old again.. plus i'm worried he will think i look terrible, my friends aka 2... tell me im not to thin but since we broke up i've lost 15-20 pounds.. i'm 5'1 and now i weigh 95 pounds.. i like it though but i'm insecure now to see him cause it is noticeable.. but i want to have him in my future as my lover, i can not be his friend.. but when i see us together in the future i picture myself a new me, i've started therapy i'm honestly trying to get better, i have my dark abyss days.. but now i'm being evaluated for anti depressants.. im well established and i'm hoping to get a second job because i gave up my scholarships for school this fall... because i want to go when i'm more ready and mentally stable... if anyone has any advice please feel free, am i doing the rite thing? is there still hope for us? hes honestly my soul mate... i've seen worse relationships and they've gotten back together... is it sad he left because i'm depressed? shouldn't he have stayed?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think he stepped back because he did not know how to help you any further hun and he wanted you to get help YOU are doing that good for you hun getting the help you need to get strong and stand on your own. This will show him a different side of YOU and yes there is always a chance of reuniting with him YOu keep looking after YOU ok and in time once you are stronger and back in control of you life who knows what will happen. I truly think he left because he thought it would jolt you into action into getting help for yourself hugs to you way to go hun
  3. John B

    John B Active Member

    I don’t know if my chest hurts from reading your story or if it’s something else. People are not humans when they think its okay to abandon someone in trouble. To assist you in the best manner possible I would need to know how your depression started and when. Not to be rude but it sounds as if you were relying on him too much and he got tired of carrying you. You need to be careful, especially if you’re going to take anti-depressants. When in this state, you need to know exactly what you need to get better. When he showed interest and you both shared a moment, you latched on in a manner that wouldn’t have benefitted you no matter how long you were together. You need to address the source of your depression, not use someone to help you ignore it. I don’t know enough to be of any help at the moment.

    All problems have solutions. When it comes to the family, if you can’t talk to them to help resolve the issue, depending on the severity of the situation, you might be better off writing them of as a loss. I know that’s a cruel and hard thing to do but you’re at an age where you have the option to leave and start fresh. If the family doesn’t understand and/or can’t help, it’s pointless turning to them. You’re better off using this site where some people have a general understanding of what you’re going through.
  4. Big M

    Big M Well-Known Member

    Well my take is this. I think he was either scared or did not want to deal with what you were going through and picked a really bad time to break up with you. I don't know if you and he were already having problems or not and that he just picked an easy point for him to jump off or not. Given the info you provided, yes he should have stayed. I would say for now though, as hard as it may be, try to just focus on getting yourself better. When the medication gets you healthier then try to reassess the situation. I know it is very hard when you lose someone you consider a soul mate or when you can't see yourself with someone else. For a long time I stayed in an with an abusive person just because I felt like she was my "soul-mate" and that I wouldn't find someone else that I connected with as well. Eventually I just gave up on relationships all together and I focus on my issues now. Try to surround yourself with friends or family or people who will stand by you and help you in this difficult time. Then take a look at the guy and see how you feel. It can take a long time to make your mind up about a person, trust me I know. Maybe he will return and apologize for his actions. Maybe in a few months he won't look so good, maybe he will, but either way you have to focus on getting yourself better. That's what is the most important issue here.