I’ve been talking with my ex and we’ve been spending a lot of time together. We were in a 10 year relationship he was extremely extremely extremely abusive tortured me many times almost killed me many times I mean I could go on and on. I know people don’t understand this but these are my shoes that I live in.I love him and I do know he loves me no matter what anyone says he’s messed up in his head. He’s going to prison for 15 years so that’s why we’re spending time together but every day he’s constantly asking me what’s wrong why do I have an attitude all these things that are not happening. Everything that I say he takes it in a different context it has absolutely the opposite way of thinking it’s totally stressing me out. And today he said that were in a relationship. He supposed to be going to federal prison on April 15 but they might extend it because of the coronavirus I mean I can go on and on about this incident today but the only reason why I’ve been hanging out with him is because you know I felt like I would never see him again and if I did it wouldn’t be very often because he’ll be in states far far away plus I don’t have a license or car you know. I need advice on how to approach this situation. I know I’m going to end up hurting him that’s inevitable but do I wait until he goes to prison or do I talk to him now I just need help from people I need advice please
Lost & don’t know I want to say
- Thread starter Firefly75
- Start date
Do whatever you're comfortable with, which you will in the end.
I don't know the full story, but from what I've heard of him now, my personal opinion is that you should cut him off and move on. He sounds like he was very toxic towards you, and love/no love shouldn't matter in this case...a relationship should always be healthy, the kind you're happy in, or/and gain something from it...like pleasant company, a loving business partner etc...
...Your ex couldn't give you that, so you should let him go, and move on with your own life. ...I'm sorry you've been through this.
And sorry if my advice isn't what you wanted to hear.
I don't know the full story, but from what I've heard of him now, my personal opinion is that you should cut him off and move on. He sounds like he was very toxic towards you, and love/no love shouldn't matter in this case...a relationship should always be healthy, the kind you're happy in, or/and gain something from it...like pleasant company, a loving business partner etc...
...Your ex couldn't give you that, so you should let him go, and move on with your own life. ...I'm sorry you've been through this.
And sorry if my advice isn't what you wanted to hear.
I appreciate your advice. I actually quit talking to him for a year and was on a dating website and that’s how we started talking again. I knew he was facing prison time and I searched on the Internet and couldn’t find if he was in prison and how much time he got.and that’s how we started talking again end it is toxic and for myself I am just trying to enjoy the time that we have until he leaves but what he sounds like I’m going to be with him while he’s in prison and that’s not going to happen. It’s just really hard because I live in a small town I don’t drive , only have a couple friends but they don’t live by me. it’s pretty lonely but I hope I do find someone who’s a healthy person to be in a relationship with and be content. I’m 45 years old never been married. And what I want out of life is to be married one time forever have a beautiful house and be madly in love with each other. However I do have a wonderful dog and she loves her mama and I love her so we have each other so it’s nice. I do have a lot to be thankful for.
Hi there, I read your post a couple of times trying to assess if I could gather some advice and the best thing I can come up with is that you get the help of a therapist and talk it out with them, they won't give you the answer of course but they might e able to help you find the answer within you, don't worry, we do not judge anyone here. I am glad this site is helping you and hope it continues to, good luck and keep us posted 
I am a correctional officer so I'm going to give this to you from his point of view. He has nothing to lose by keeping you hanging around here. He will get letters from you, companionship and phone calls. He'll almost assuredly get money from you whenever he can. He'll talk you out of explicit photos because he loves you so so so much and needs to see you blah blah and then he'll swear he won't show them to anyone but really he'll show them to every dude in the place who will then wank on them every chance they get. He'll use the money you send him for food and clothes and a new TV to stock up his cell. He loses nothing in this deal but YOU stand to lose years of your life by "waiting" for a guy who you admittedly say has "tortured and abused" you. If you don't have the balls to cut him off now then just do it when he goes in. I'm sorry but it happens all the time. People go in and never hear from that person again or get a single letter saying "sorry but I'm not prepared to do this with you". Is it shitty? Absolutely it is, yes, but you are the losing party here. You gain zip.
Are you going to wait for this guy to get out, feel a renewed sense of love and marry him and spend the rest of your life with him? If the answer to that is not a resounding YES then get the fuck out of this right the hell now.
Are you going to wait for this guy to get out, feel a renewed sense of love and marry him and spend the rest of your life with him? If the answer to that is not a resounding YES then get the fuck out of this right the hell now.
Hi there, I read your post a couple of times trying to assess if I could gather some advice and the best thing I can come up with is that you get the help of a therapist and talk it out with them, they won't give you the answer of course but they might e able to help you find the answer within you, don't worry, we do not judge anyone here. I am glad this site is helping you and hope it continues to, good luck and keep us posted
Hi there, I read your post a couple of times trying to assess if I could gather some advice and the best thing I can come up with is that you get the help of a therapist and talk it out with them, they won't give you the answer of course but they might e able to help you find the answer within you, don't worry, we do not judge anyone here. I am glad this site is helping you and hope it continues to, good luck and keep us posted