Dear Suicide Forum... I am not feeling bipolar at all, but today me and my friend got into a fight for no reason, hes my only friend, everyone I know in life is not my friend, they know nothing about me, so I open up to people online, and I considered him my only friend. I am a sociopath, I lack empathy, towards everyone, but for once I cared about someone, I "loved" someone, not romantically but in general. I experienced love, now I don't have it, I'm lost again, soon my depression will kick in, I'm sure I will be manic again, I don't know what to do... I have work soon that can keep my mind of things for a little bit, I just know I'm about to hit rock bottom. This is going to be a new low, I can feel it, the wave is just getting bigger and bigger, then it's going to come crashing down on me, taking me to the bottom of the ocean, where I will drown, alone!!! I don't know what to do anymore, I feel as if I am rambling on right now, I don't think anything anyone can do will make me feel better, It's like someone died to me... I opened up and get abandoned, this is why I don't open up, but if I don't I will die from the inside out, so it's a outcome that has inevitable pain. I know this can sound absurd how I experience love online and not in real life, O well I don't expect you to, I don't expect you to even comprehend anything I say. I am narcissistic, I'm a asshole, I derserve this? I don't even know anymore!!!!!