Lost her, what do I do now?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Maynard's Delusion, Sep 17, 2013.

  1. Maynard's Delusion

    Maynard's Delusion New Member

    Well.. Here it comes. I had a relationship with a girl for a long time. Let's call her E. I met her over on Playstation network near Easter after I got PSN in 2009.. I think. I added her to my friends list after helping a friend get an in game prize. E seemed nice, so I added her. And after that we spoke. As we where speaking, we spoke lightheartedly about one another, and she seemed cute and entertaining. I found out how old she was.. Slightly younger than me by two years. My mum came up to speak to me not long aftee and she asked who I was talking to. I explained who E was and what I knew.. So she went and after that E and myself agreed to play some TF2 on PSN. So we did, had a great time and our friendship grew from there. So then, after some weekends and nights playing with eachother, we found out about more about eachother and I discovered she was a fantastic artist. So.. I took up drawing too and while I sucked.. I showed some progression. I grew jealous of her art talents over the years but anyway.. So yeah, I met some friends of her's and we basically grew up with eachother.

    But as I got older, my mental health began to slip. I became more and more depressed in school and lost a lot of "so called friends". So I lost them over Xbox Live, became suicidal and after arguing with my stepfather, I was sent to a psychiatric ward and I stayed there for a week to help with my suicidal thoughts. They didnt stop there though, and I still feel suicidal as you can tell to this day. I also found out a scary truth which terrified me. E told me she was having Dental Braces fitted.. And that scared me. She had teeth extracted which made matters worse. I wanted to rip my own teeth out.. So she soldiered on with her new braces, complaining a little which just.. Made me cry. Yknow, knowing the girl you love is in pain hurts more than any punch. When I was upset she told me another story.. This one shocked my system. E told me she had about 12 milk teeth removed as a little child due to infection/rot. She had to breathe sleeping gas through a mask because she was too young for local anaesthetic needles. Now that sickened me even more..

    So, with that, and other issues such as surviving in an awful school.. I still kept a strong relationship with her. I fell in love with her a while ago before I left school but it got stronger after I went through some other personal BS like my stepfather cheating on my mum and leaving, moving to a new home unaided etc. I was fine though.. And E and me flirted a lot.. Had a lot of steamy conversation and other things. But on Thursday the 6th this month.. I told E I was going to leave because I thought I was a burden on her. I said this a lot to her but.. I never really meant it. So I deleted her from my friends list, she thkught Id gone offline and told me "oh, great you ruined the moment, see you on saturday then or whatever" but instead of seeing me then, E hasnt spoken to me since and has blocked me online. And here I am, on a new and important college course, seeking councelling in college and help from the outside, feeling suicidal every night.. So, she's left me and.. I cant love anyone else.. So why cant I just die? Can somebody just... Help me?
  2. KimKim

    KimKim Well-Known Member

    I'm not quite sure from what you write:
    Is you relationship to E. ...real? I mean; do you meet each other in flesh and blood?