lost him

[Sa Palomera]

yeh, there ya go. After tonight I didn't just loose my Mother but also my Dad and Stepmum. Isn't that just great.

I feel like doing one last thing for them. And that's gonna be the last thing I ever did. I'm so close right now. I'm so close to just sit out the day here and then when I leave tonight to go back home, never arrive at home. My parents would only find out through the Newspaper, IF it'd even reach the newspaper. I guess nobody of my family would find out for like... a month, maybe 2. I mean last time I left my parents place was with christmas and they didn't bother to call me or whatever after that either.

Basically they've just shown me that all my hope was for nothing. All my hope for them to deep down care for me.. All false hope.

RIght now I feel.. Devastated, hurt, lost.... I can't even describe it. All I want is to go to my Mother lay in her arms, crying like a baby.

I guess life has just proven to me that there is no such thing as parental love. There is no such thing as caring for your children through good and bad times. There is no such thing.

Life has won. I can't do it anymore.

 

[~PinkElephants~]

Hey hun

Some people are so blinded by their own beliefs and the way they were raised that they don't see that there is nothing wrong with being who you are. If they can't see what a spectacular person you are regardless of who you are or what you choose then they aren't worth your pain, even if they are your parent/stepparent. I am here if you need to talk honey..i hope you are doing okay. :hug:

 

[Sa Palomera]

thanks for the reply. I better not post right now, all it'd be is swearing and not nice.

 

[~PinkElephants~]

anytime est. you know that im always here if you need to vent and if you need to hop on MSN to swear come on and swear at me..i can take it:smile:

 

[Terry]

Swear away..what the hell happened?

 

[mike25]

It's particularly devastating when one feels shunned by their own parents. It cuts at the heart, and leaves emotional scarring. Everyone deserves loving parents; not everyone gets them, as many people on this forum & elsewhere can testify to. Many parents have no idea how to love their children unconditionally because they themselves never received it. Solace comes in realising, then knowing, that lack of parental love is in no way a reflection on you. You are not to blame.

Time is a great healer.

mike25

 

[Marshmallow]

Hun like i've said in the other threads, if you meant what you said then don't do anything, i need you aswell. You know im allways here for you.

xxx

 

[gentlelady]

Although it does not seem so at this time, keep open the possibility that they will see the error in their thinking and want to mend things. Try not to shut them out should this be the case. I wish they had a better understanding of you hun, but they don't. No one really does I don't think. Not even you. I watch you struggle with so many things and wish I could help you more with them. Remember that you do have people that love you dearly. Hold on to those thoughts ester. Take them out when you need them. :hug:

 

[LeaveMeAlone]

I'm afraid I don't agree with you Gentlelady. I think the best thing for Ester to do right now, is to cut herself off from them completely. Focus on her own life and getting back on track, and doing it for her, not for anyone else.

This lingering hope, constantly opening yourself up just to get hurt again, that's not something you want.

Eventually in a few years, maybe you can try some sort of reconsiliation, or they might approach you, but you might find, that you're happy without them, don't need them, and don't really care.

I haven't spoken to my mother in 7 years and I never want to, I don't carry around a ton of anger for her (although I do hate her) but I simply know that she, like billions of other people, is someone I don't want to have a relationship with.

Choose your own family Ester, how many here could you call family? how many here will stand up and be your family?


I'm your brother Ester, I love you, and care for you deeply, I only want the best for you.


.

 

[gentlelady]

I am not saying she should not leave them and make her own life right now. What I am saying is somewhere down the road, say 10-15 years, the time may come when things are ready for a change. I still do not think the parents should be shut out completely for a lifetime. For now? Yes. Forever? No. It does noone any good to harbor ill feelings and let them fester and continue to eat away at you forever. Come to terms with what needs to happen in the present day, but do not determine what should happen in the future regarding this matter. We will have to agree to disagree on this LMA. The choice is not ours to make. It belongs to ester. Hun, do whatever is the best thing for you to do. Chose the path in which you can be happy with your decision. This is not always the path of least resistance. As LMA mentioned, you have many people here you can call family. You are not alone, no matter what choice you make. :hug:

 

[Sa Palomera]

I miss Mum. :cry: :cry: :cry: that's all I know. I'm not ready to let go of my Dad, but I can't deal with him either.. what the hell am I supposed to do.? I'm not ready for this.
I can't make it without him, yet I can't let him in. :cry:

 

[Ziggy]

I've hardly ever spoken to my dad in the last 20 years, and only recently have we started writing to each other. We both acknowledge the past is unfortunate and we wish things could have been different. Unfortunately things weren't different.

I'll probably not speak to him much in the next 20 years, it's a sad situation, but we both know that deep down we do care, we just can't deal with it.

 

[Marshmallow]

I have to agree with Corrina on this one. I think that you shouldn't completely shut off your relationship with him. I know you miss your mum hun :hug:

Here for ya darling xxx

 

[Sa Palomera]

:cry: I miss her :cry: :cry:

fucking asshole!

 

[Marshmallow]

Wish there was something more i could do for you darling :sad:

attack*

 

[Sa Palomera]

yes please help me: shoot me.

 

[Sa Palomera]

I'm so scared. How the hell am I supposed to make it without him, at all. Isn't it enough to loose my Mother? Isn't that enough yet? And Sharon? DIdn't I have enough punishment there? Did they also have to take my own fucking Father away from me???????

WHY WHY WHY??? I CAN'T FUCKING DEAL WITH THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Marshmallow]

You know full well im not gonna help you like that. You know what take EVERYTHING out on me, i don't care. Can take it.

 

[Sa Palomera]

it's over, he's won.

 

[Marshmallow]

He ain't won fuck all