Lost hope

I have been depressed for many years now but only recently have I been considering suicide. My reasons for being depressed are medical and I may no longer have any chance of recovery from them. When I was about 21 my face got really red and my skin would peel. I went to the doctor and was perscribed a steriod cream to get rid of what they thought was seborrheic dermatitis. I tried to get rid of it for years using this cream and at first it worked a little but then it started to get worse and eventually got so bad i stopped going out (became a recluse). It turned out I had rosacea and steriod cream is really bad for this long term and it progresses symptoms. I soon learnt that rosacea symptoms could be treated with a type of laser called "IPL."

To cut a long story short I had this treatment and I now have worse symptoms than ever before. I also have hypo pigmentation (skin without pigment that never tans) and large red burn marks on my face because of the laser treatment. In the past I have had skin problems from pimples to rosacea but the feeling that your skin will never get better (burns and hypo pigmentation) is just too much for me. Even with rosacea (which is a progressive disease that can't be cured) there was some hope i could improve the symptoms with treatment. I have now hit rock bottom and i just don't know what to do. The hope that things might get better has been the only thing that has got me through depression in the past and now that is gone. I don't know what I'm looking for posting this on the forum but i thought telling people how i feel might help. Anything is worth a try but even if i can feel better now I know it will only last until i see what was once my face in the mirror. However I know people have lived through worse, i just need to find the strength but it's hard.

 

wow so the steroid cream made it worse? cant you sue the doctor or something?

 

I probably could but the last thing i need is a court case and if i lost i would feel more depressed. Anyway the permament damage (burns and hypopigmentation) was done by the IPL treatment and I had to sign something saying a wouldn't sue if there was side effects before i had that. I was stupid to have it but i was desperate and they said the risks were minimal. It's also used for hair removal and at the time i thought it was safe, in fact it probably is for most people but I have really bad luck.

 

This is terrible.
Can just imagine how you're feeling.

Am going to do some research on the prob and see if I can come up with anything.

By the way, your hospital should have a camouflage section in the skin department. The hospital where I worked had one for people with burns and birth marks (you know those great big strawberry stains some people have).

Worth looking into anyways.

 

Thanks for your help. I'm feeling a lot better today, even when i looked in the mirror i didn't feel so bad. It can probably be improved somehow and it may heal a bit over time. The doctor seemed to think it "could" get better, so it was silly of me to loose hope so quickly. In 4 months i should know what it will look like one way or the other (it can take that long to heal, if it's damage that can heal. burns and hypo pigmentation can often be permament. I just don't know for sure yet and i have a terrible feeling they will be). Anyway besides my cosmetic problems im fit and healthy. I can still enjoy sports (windsurfing really makes me feel alive), i have my eye sight and I still love food.

 

Hi Andrew,

Definitely we are developing new technologies that will be even better at correcting issues such as this. If this really is the main thing giving you thoughts of dying, I'm sure you can find solutions for yourself and very possibly even totally resolve the issue.

 

good to hear u have things u enjoy and that you've not got too despondent.

keep us posted with the healing process.

 

Yeah it's definatly the main thing. I have always been very emotional. Always acted tough but i would secretly cry a lot about all kinds of things. I also smoked a lot of marijuana when i was in school and I think i may have some mental disorders possibly as a result. I have had symptoms of anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder. However I'm possitive my depression wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the issues im having with my skin. They make me very self conscious and have turned me into a recluse.