lost in a world

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by hatelife, Jan 9, 2008.

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  1. hatelife

    hatelife Active Member

    Its been almost a year since iv been on this site, a year where a lot has happened and i can say that im someone who should not complain, feel as if i am not allowed to cos in the whole i have a good life, a family who cares and a partner who im suppose to marry in a years time.....

    so i dont know why im feeling the way i am, i picked my life up last year with determination, after two failed attemts in two weeks i vowed to live....

    see for me to die would stop my pain but to die would cause pain to more people....

    but yet im here again, one minute im happy then a split second later im angry for awhile then a split second im happy again. the arguments in my head is back, to live or to die, see iv just move to states with my partner and now he copes all my moods, most fights are about not having money cos im not working and he is only working a bit... question is how long will he stay with me pushing him away or with the cutting again.... my ankle, my hp and my arm is scars which repulse me but yet i cant stop. and he never fighs back, it is all me. he deserves better, someone who will treat him better

    living in someone elses world, looking in the mirror and not reconising the person who looks back, the person i was is no longer there...

    sory had to tell someone even if no one reads at least its down on paper in a figure of speech
  2. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    You have low self-esteem... why do you cut yourself may I ask ?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 9, 2008
  3. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    You are not selfish, you think of others - sounds to me like you are a very considerate person.
    Tell us some more about your circumstances.
  4. hatelife

    hatelife Active Member

    to answer both questions; my main problem is im used to working and earning money where now my partner and i are able to pay rent and buy food, bills waiting to be paid, and since iv just moved i dont know anyone. i used to be strong but now i just wont to go back to canberra where i had friends and had a job.

    why do i cut, because then i know im human, i bleed and i feel physical pain, i started cos in my head no one else was allowed to hurt me, only im allowed that. didnt stop the emotional pain from others but i felt in control of the pain, originally myclose friends new i did it but that stopped after the first suicide attempt when friends walked way saying i was attention seeking.

    i stopped for awahile but its all back. the cuttings not the worst its the two sided conversation in my head.
  5. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    I can understand the need to cut to 'feel' something when you cannot express the pain in your mind and soul. Sometimes the physical pain can remove us temporarily from the torment of the emotional pain.

    You have been hurt badly by somebody in your life ?

    What's happening with the two sided conversations in your mind, are they your thoughts ?
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