lost in the world

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by wingsforme2, Nov 29, 2010.

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  1. wingsforme2

    wingsforme2 New Member

    my situation :

    - i lost my job 6 months ago and i am struggling to find a new job. But nothing seems to work out for me. I feel so useless and ashamed.

    - because i could not afford to live alone anymore, i had to move back in with my mother and her boyfriend.

    - All my close friends have slowly moved away and i realise now that i dont have any real friends left to talk to. I tried getting in touch with some close friends, but its not working out good. I have nobody to talk to anymore.

    - I havent had a good relationship since high school. Im in love with somebody who is unreachable. Im afraid to try with anyone else. Like i am somehow hoping it may still work. I just wish i had somebody to comfort me.

    - soon, it will be the 8th anniversary of my fathers death. Ever since his death, the holidays have been a depressing reminder for me. My father died after suffering from a horrible disease for years. I cant even talk about the things i and my family went trough. In the end, i couldnt take it anymore, and i moved away from home. A few days before my father died, i finaly got the courage to go back home and to spend our last days together as a family should. But i was to late, and he was so far gone he didnt even recognize me anymore. He looked at me as if i was a complete stranger. Soon after he went into coma and died. I have always felt extremely guilty and ashamed of myself, and i get depressed whenever i think about this.

    I feel like ever since my father got sick, i am stuck. I cant move on. I cant move past it. My life is meaningless and i am alone. My mother has moved on with a new family and she is happy now. I dont wanna be a burden. I am ashamed of myself and have nobody to talk to anymore. I never tougt i would get lost in the world like this. I feel like i am breaking appart.

    Apparently i am not alone. Just yesterday, a young girl commited suicide not far from my old place. it got me thinking dark toughts. What am i to do now?
    Even if i find a new job, there is still so much about me that i am sooo tired of. I will be alone forever i think. Im so tired of beeing alone and ashamed.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Wings and welcome...so glad you shared with us...guilt has such a way of infecting our lives...if you knew then what would have happened, I am sure you would have acted differently...I was paralyzed by guilt and have taken many years to begin to forgive myself...maybe the support of a counselor or such would be helpful to try to sort this stuff out...also know there are so many ppl here who can relate to what you have posted, so, you are not alone...welcome again and please continue to share with us what is going on for you...big hugs, J
  3. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    your value as a human being is not to be measured by your income or employment. Unfortunately, society often judges people by superficial standards.

    Sometimes your sense of self-worth must come from within.

    you may want to try some therapy, that might help.

    hope you feel better soon!
  4. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Maybe you should try to find groups that come together to do activities you enjoy.. like clubs.. Maybe you will meet some new friends.

    I hope things will get better for you.
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