my situation : - i lost my job 6 months ago and i am struggling to find a new job. But nothing seems to work out for me. I feel so useless and ashamed. - because i could not afford to live alone anymore, i had to move back in with my mother and her boyfriend. - All my close friends have slowly moved away and i realise now that i dont have any real friends left to talk to. I tried getting in touch with some close friends, but its not working out good. I have nobody to talk to anymore. - I havent had a good relationship since high school. Im in love with somebody who is unreachable. Im afraid to try with anyone else. Like i am somehow hoping it may still work. I just wish i had somebody to comfort me. - soon, it will be the 8th anniversary of my fathers death. Ever since his death, the holidays have been a depressing reminder for me. My father died after suffering from a horrible disease for years. I cant even talk about the things i and my family went trough. In the end, i couldnt take it anymore, and i moved away from home. A few days before my father died, i finaly got the courage to go back home and to spend our last days together as a family should. But i was to late, and he was so far gone he didnt even recognize me anymore. He looked at me as if i was a complete stranger. Soon after he went into coma and died. I have always felt extremely guilty and ashamed of myself, and i get depressed whenever i think about this. I feel like ever since my father got sick, i am stuck. I cant move on. I cant move past it. My life is meaningless and i am alone. My mother has moved on with a new family and she is happy now. I dont wanna be a burden. I am ashamed of myself and have nobody to talk to anymore. I never tougt i would get lost in the world like this. I feel like i am breaking appart. Apparently i am not alone. Just yesterday, a young girl commited suicide not far from my old place. it got me thinking dark toughts. What am i to do now? Even if i find a new job, there is still so much about me that i am sooo tired of. I will be alone forever i think. Im so tired of beeing alone and ashamed.