Lost liberties II -[Valediction]

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Perishable, Feb 5, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Perishable

    Perishable Well-Known Member

    Okay, perhaps an update is possible. (From my first thread 'Lost liberties')
    Mainly because im on the verge of insanity.

    Recently I have been able to cope with the fact that I am going to have to wait for things to change since I am under the age of 18. This doesn't bother me as much as it use to.

    But...

    Even though I have gained much patience and acceptance of my present and always issues, I have had another thing come arise from beneath the rubbish of my tragedies...

    It seems I am fucked.
    Why?
    Well, I had surgery a year ago, I started having problems a while ago, but never really went for inspection cause I know what's wrong...the pain only intensifies.. I had My G.B removed. Out of all of the people who get there's removed, 60% will live problem free.

    ...
    .....
    ...
    40% will live with symptoms for the rest of their lives.
    Headaches, vomiting, nasea, camping, abdominal pain, bloating, exhaustion, difficult concentration, insomnia, constipation, etc....
    The symptoms could range from critical to severe, all experienced on a daily basis until you arrive on your death bed...

    I'm part of that 40%. My cases are Severe.
    I suffer everyday and it doesn't seem to lighten.
    My diet is incredibly healthy, I exercise. My symptoms do not decrease.
    It is out of my hands. I only blame myself.

    What do I do?
    .........
    It doesnt seem fair?...
    It's one of those things.
    "You don't know what you got until its gone...and you can never get it back... AND IT WILL FUCK WITH YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR FUCKING PATHETIC LIFE!"

    ...
    I fucked up.
    I'm screwed.

    How am I suppose to want to live?
    When I finally accepted my situation, something with such a large severity comes up and slaps me in the face and bites me in the ass, rapes me, kills my sanity, and gives me migranes.

    I seriously have had a headache non-stop for three weeks. I cannot focus.
    I'm no longer alive. I'm a walking scum bag of suffrage.

    How could any one come up with a valid responce.
    I do not believe in hope.
    I only think that things should be done for things to get better.
    ..and there's nothing I can do. I'm stuck.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 5, 2008
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hey perishable, i'm really sorry to read about the pain you are suffering. how awful to be part of the 40% with serious side-effects.

    one of my good friends has chronic fatigue. it's something she's had to live with for a long, long time. she has found that going to a pain clinic helps, as they give her some techniques for pain management. she's also doing some alternative medicine techniques, like acupuncture and meditation.

    is there a pain clinic that you can be in touch with? although they can't "fix" you... they have all kinds of tricks to help you cope,

    catherine
     
  3. Perishable

    Perishable Well-Known Member

    But. How long could coping actually help.
    If it does anyway.

    Meaning. Why would I want to?
     
  4. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    There's got to be a chronic pain support group for you to go to. Maybe vitamin supplements or an effective substitute for what the gall bladder use to do would help. I also recommend pain management centers. In the meantime, give yourself a break and spoil yourself, 'coz you're going thru a lot of rough times. You have every right to feel the way you do.
     
  5. Perishable

    Perishable Well-Known Member

    How would I go about that?
     
  6. ih8u

    ih8u Active Member

    i have similar symptoms as you but i don't have a gallbladder problem. doctors basically told me this is how i'll have to live the rest of my life. i'm a year younger than you. how old were you when your problems started?
     
  7. Perishable

    Perishable Well-Known Member

    Around 15 1/2
    ... I got the surgery done when I was 16.

    Now I'm 17, and already struggling.
     
  8. beauutyy

    beauutyy Well-Known Member

    im sorry about what you're going through :(
    it really makes me sad,because you're so young.
    andd this is kinda non-related,buut
    you're very pretty.ha.im sorry.

    i really hope you feel better,and idk if doctors can do anything about any of your symptoms maybe so they dont bother you as much? idk.

    <33
     
  9. Perishable

    Perishable Well-Known Member

    Yea, it is what I think about all the time, the fact that I wont be able to enjoy my youth. I have to suffer before more of the 'bad stuff' comes. Like bills and huge responsibilities.... things like such.

    lol... That's okay. :tongue:

    As for my symptoms.
    All I can do is follow a strict diet.
    No meat, legumes, dairy, nuts, ice cream, chocolate, oranges, ...blah blah.
    It's hard to get all my protein in there with a stict diet like that.
    I've been following it.
    Not helping, but I will still follow it cause I don't want things to get worse. :dry:
     
  10. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    Youth is overrated I say :p
     
  11. Perishable

    Perishable Well-Known Member

    It's said that youth is wasted on the young.

    but yes. What's the use?:mellow:
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.