Lost love and should I email

[Zodi]

I was just told the other day my soulmate doesn't want me romantically. At one time he did, I firmly believe that through his actions and words. I told him the other night that I couldn't speak to him again. I was unable to be "just friends" with someone whom I love and believe to be my soulmate.

I miss him horribly and he probably feels the same. We would email all day long and chat at night. That is gone and I would guess he feels some sort of emptiness as do I.

I have been less than kind to him through the last year. Here is the email I was going to send him but don't know if I should:

I know I told you I never wanted to speak to you again but I have to get some things off my chest if I am to move on.

I have treated you very poorly over the past year. I have attacked you verbally for no rational reason. I know that now. As you know I suffer from a very fragile and low self-esteem. In my heart, I never wanted you to not have friends or socialize. Most of the time I attacked you I was drinking. That was not me talking but the alcohol. I am not doing that anymore.

I really believe that at one time you had feelings other than friendship towards me. I am not going to go into why I believe that because it would be moot. I did everything in my power to push you away, you even mentioned that once that I was doing that.

I am seeking help. Sometimes help comes in strange ways. One of our housekeepers at work (she lives at the hotel and works for her room) is a recovering meth addict. She lost everything..her house, her savings and her kids. We talked for the entire time I was working today. She was the one who told me I should email you. She understood everything I was telling her. She even told me she would come down and we can talk tomorrow.

I guess the bottom line is I don't hate you. After the way I have treated you I am surprised you stuck around as long as you did. I surely would have disassociated myself long ago if I were you.

Someday, maybe you can forgive me.

This is in my drafts folder and I don't know if I can send it. I am deeply in love with this man and I just don't know what to do.

 

[Blackness]

sometimes we push the people we like away to test them, whether it is conciously or not, it's a way to protect ourselves. It's like "get them, before they get you" that would be why you attacked him at times for seemingly irrational reasons. This can be incredibly frustrating for the other person and if they don't support you and know what it's about they are more than likely to get frustrated and angry towards you. Sometimes we just can't help but do it though. Are you really sure he is your "soul-mate"?, it may have felt that way but from what you have described about your relationship it doesn't really look like it. Don't waste all your time on this ONE guy. Good luck and be strong.

 

[LetItGo]

Gotta say I dont really believe in - "that was the alcohol talking..."

Its great that your getting treatment though.

If you love him, best thing to do is just let him know and see if you guys can get things back on track. Maybe he is your soulmate, be a shame to let things slip away silently with a few emails.

 

[Esmeralda]

First, only send the email if you can handle the response. What would you do if he rejected you entirely? If the answer is something drastic (like suicide or excessive drinking/backsliding) then the answer is "no" do not send it.

The other point is that all you told this person is that you do not HATE him. That will not be enough for someone who has been hurt to give you a second (3rd, 4th, 5th) chance. If you are going to send this letter, then you must be open and honest. Now when I say that, I am not saying that you should say "I will shrivel up into a tiny ball and perish with longing if you don't take me back" sort of thing, I am just saying that telling him that you don't hate him is probably not enough to encourage him to go out on an emotional limb.

Also, do not make too many excuses. You can make them, but just make sure that when you do, you add the caveat that you understand that regardless of what was influencing you to do/say the things you admit to, that YOU are ultimately responsible for those actions. Don't try to pass the blame onto anything/one else. Otherwise you will seem insencere.

And, if this is an apology, then APOLOGIZE. Don't beat around the bush, just say you're sorry for A, B and C. This goes back to not making excuses.

Make sure before you do this that it is worth it and that he is worth this note, because once you do this, you are placing yourself in a position of extreme vulnerability regarding this person, so you need to be able to trust him not to take advantage of the situation emotionally or otherwise.