I was just told the other day my soulmate doesn't want me romantically. At one time he did, I firmly believe that through his actions and words. I told him the other night that I couldn't speak to him again. I was unable to be "just friends" with someone whom I love and believe to be my soulmate. I miss him horribly and he probably feels the same. We would email all day long and chat at night. That is gone and I would guess he feels some sort of emptiness as do I. I have been less than kind to him through the last year. Here is the email I was going to send him but don't know if I should: I know I told you I never wanted to speak to you again but I have to get some things off my chest if I am to move on. I have treated you very poorly over the past year. I have attacked you verbally for no rational reason. I know that now. As you know I suffer from a very fragile and low self-esteem. In my heart, I never wanted you to not have friends or socialize. Most of the time I attacked you I was drinking. That was not me talking but the alcohol. I am not doing that anymore. I really believe that at one time you had feelings other than friendship towards me. I am not going to go into why I believe that because it would be moot. I did everything in my power to push you away, you even mentioned that once that I was doing that. I am seeking help. Sometimes help comes in strange ways. One of our housekeepers at work (she lives at the hotel and works for her room) is a recovering meth addict. She lost everything..her house, her savings and her kids. We talked for the entire time I was working today. She was the one who told me I should email you. She understood everything I was telling her. She even told me she would come down and we can talk tomorrow. I guess the bottom line is I don't hate you. After the way I have treated you I am surprised you stuck around as long as you did. I surely would have disassociated myself long ago if I were you. Someday, maybe you can forgive me. This is in my drafts folder and I don't know if I can send it. I am deeply in love with this man and I just don't know what to do.