lost (may trigger)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by takencontrol, Apr 26, 2011.

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  1. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    ive lost my way,
    ive lost all hope,
    ive lost my faith,
    ive lost friends.

    i have no one, family i have but they are happy, im not. i spend my days at home with the blinds closed and the doors locked, trying so hard to get myself sorted out. i dont eat i dont wash, pathetic really but thats me. therapy was supposed to help but all its done is set me so far back i cant see a way out anymore, well there is one. looks like i have no option anymore.
    i hadnt cut in so long but its back with a vengeance and the attempts too, i pulled myself out before but this is different...i feel different, scared but strangely calm about my decision.
     
  2. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Hi Taken,

    Im sorry you feel that way, I wish I had the words to say to make you feel better, but my mind is at a blank for the last couple days.

    Hope today gets better for you. Hugs
     
  3. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    thanks for replying.
     
  4. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    sorry your feeling so bad :( here to listen if you need a friendly ear :hug:
     
  5. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    somehow i have managed to lose everyone i thoughts as friends, thats my own fault, im not worthy of friends anyway.
     
  6. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    everyone here is worthy of a friend and people to talk to. sometimes its really easy to push people away when you feel really bad - its something that a lot of people here will relate to. give us a try - you might find it helps you pull yourself out of where you are at the moment like you said you did before :hug:
     
  7. jordan.

    jordan. Member

    Everyone is worthy of friends, even if you feel down. That's when you need them the most, and you deserve some now more than ever. :)

    I'm always glad to see posts like this, in some weird way, because by posting, it means you still have hope. You still have that doubt in the back of your mind that makes you long for help, and I'm glad you asked for it. First step to fixing yourself is realizing that there's a problem. Second step is asking for help. :)

    Therapy doesn't work for everyone, I know it didn't help me at all. Take a nice long shower, you'll definitely feel better. Make your favorite food for dinner tonight, or eat out, even.

    Just realize that life isn't this big long strip that you run down until you finally reach the end, wishing for the end to come sooner, suffering all the way.

    Life is, one day at a time. One hour at a time. One decision at a time. At this very moment, you've probably decided to read this post, instead of cutting. I'm glad you decided to. :)

    After you're done reading, and you find yourself picking up whatever pointy object is near, remind yourself that it is a problem. You'll be proud when you look back on this in a month and realize you haven't been cutting.

    Just make that decision, every time you feel like cutting. Remind yourself that it's bad, that you want to stop. Find something better to do; write poems, chew gum, stand on your head. Whatever is the second thing on your mind, that you feel like doing.

    Good luck, and remember, it's just one step at a time. :)
     
  8. AlienBeing

    AlienBeing Well-Known Member

    If you need physical pain to numb your feelings, you could try squeezing ice cubes in your hand as long as you can, or putting hottest hot sauce you can find,on your tongue. I know some cutters who do these things to get the same numbing effect without so much damage and scarring.
     
  9. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    Hi, TakenControl. I'm a Saggitarius too. Anyway, sometimes you have to take a step back before moving forward. Therapy may not have given you the type of support you need, but by being in dire straits, you may now be forced to realize what you need in order to start getting better. It must be hard to keep friends if you keep your shades down and don't go out, so I suggest challenging your habit of enclosing yourself in your house. Good luck!
     
  10. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    ive totally lost my place in this world. home life not going great, i may as well be invisible except for all the work i do, feeling sorry for myself..maybe. i just feel well and truly pissed of with it all. i do home life almost single handed..yes my husband works hard...yes he gives us a comfortable life...but me...the person..the lover...i get fuck all. i have thought long and hard about this, ive attempted, ive cut, ive drank. im a mess i didnt think i could fall any further down, but i have. i have fought this damn illness till i cant fight anymore. i have got through almost 16 years of 'fighting' not anymore. im tired physically, mentally and emotionally. you win..
     
  11. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Taken,

    Im going to put this from my point of life.

    Me with depression cant see that people around me love me and want me there. All I do is be a wife a mother and a worker, but the love is there, my kids love me, they need me, even if they dont say it everyday, I know they do Im their mother.

    I also cant see that I do get attention, its hard not to because I put myself in the middle with this damn depression, its just not the attention I crave, its more pity.

    I work my butt off doing this and that, yes Im tired as hell to. BUT this is the life I choose to live, I decided to have kids, I decided to get married, those were my choices.

    Now if its the marriage thats bringing you down, and I get that feeling from us talking then maybe you should tell your H to listen damn it, demand it from him and if he cant give you the happiness or the joy of being in a relationship or marriage with him then maybe you should think of what you want, not others but you. Cause if your not happy then its hard to show happiness, we talk about mask but people see through them if they are looking, take your mask off and show him what you want and need.
     
  12. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Susan, we have talked many times, but this is said from your genders point of view.
    I can only start to echo these words.
     
  13. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    thanks for all your replies, bad day, feeling much better.
     
  14. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Hugs hope today is treating you better.
     
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